PLEASEE help me edit this essayy
I will need to submit it very very soon.
Option 4 - Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay.
And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed!
--Dr. Seuss from Oh the Places You'll Go!
It's 5:30 A.M. on a Saturday weekend and I head out the door in my golf attire, not under covers in my pink plaid pajamas. Week after week, suppressing my desire to sleep, I drag my sluggish body to Ironwood 9 Golf Course for a lesson of the elitist sport.
Only out of curiosity did I follow my dad to the golf course the morning of April 4, 2009. But upon witnessing the small golf ball flying over a distance 200 yards by a mere contact with a club head, I felt an instant urge to learn golf. So at the end of my sophomore year began my relationship with golf.
My private coach, as strict as he was, mandated absolute focus and attention from me. Prior to stepping up to the mat, he insisted five minutes of plain stretching. And before hitting a ball, he required ten practice strokes. If I ever missed a shot, he would utter, "What a waste of practice time." His blunt criticisms, as constructive as they may have been, soon took on their toll. Beneath the surface of my skin was my blood boiling out of anger and frustration. Small breaths turned to big gulps of air, as my brain needed more oxygen to tranquilize my body. In an effort to remold my shattered pride and ego, I issued him a challenge--one unspeakably foolish. Forgetting that I was but a beginner, I declared to try out for and, in the end, make the varsity golf team at Irvine High School. Raising his eyebrows and pressing his lips to one side, he replied, "Golf is not as easy as you think."
With just five months to master this sport, I was up against a wall. Yet unwilling to take back my words, I couldn't let time destroy my pride. Repeating the words "I can do it!" in my head, I practiced daily at the nearest course to my home in addition to the weekly lessons with my coach. Pushing myself ever harder than before, I was determined for success. And much to my satisfaction, I mastered the basics quite rapidly and, in the end, achieved my once-thought-impossible goal. For once, I felt big.
Today as I reflect on this experience and snapshots of Coach's not-so-pleasant-face pan through my head, I smile within. Were it not for his biting remarks and offensive critiques, I would never have continued with golf.
Success only takes time. Simply do my part, and all is well. After all, in Irvine High School's thirty-year history, I am the first to ever have shot a hole-in-one.
It's 5:30 A.M. on a Saturday weekend and I head out the door in my golf attire, not under the/my covers in my pink plaid pajamas.
Only out of curiosity did I follow my dad to the golf course the morning of April 4, 2009. I was kinda confused a bit when I read this. I had to read it twice to understand what you meant.
So, at the end of my sophomore year began my relationship with golf.
And before hitting a ball, he required ten practice strokes. Might want to try putting this sentence and the prior sentence together. "And before" seems like a weak way to start a sentence.
soon took on their toll.
Beneath the surface of my skin was my blood boiling out of anger and frustration. This sentence is kind of awkward. I know what you mean but maybe try rewording it. "Beneath the surface of my skin, my blood boiled out of anger and frustration."
For once, I felt big. Seems like a bad message to send the college that you're applying to.
In an effort to remold my shattered pride and ego I feel that remold is the wrong word here. You're not trying to "mold" it. You're trying to recreate it anew.
I liked the message of your essay a lot. I only saw a couple of mistakes in terms of diction or syntax, nothing major.
