Could i please get advice/suggestions for this essay? Is it too long? Thanks!
Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an experience you've had outside of your formal classroom and extracurricular activities that was just plain fun and why
I never understood why people enjoyed riding roller coasters so much. The dizzying headaches and nausea that accompanied the intense speeds and drops of a roller coaster never really appealed to me. I tried to avoid going to amusement parks as much as possible, so that my friends would not pressure me onto one of those terrifying vehicles.
Last summer, I went beach camping with my family and some friends. We spent day after day, boogie-boarding on the foamy waves, making giant sand castles, and even just laying in the warm sun. One day, while my friends and I were burying someone that was laying on their back, an idea popped into my head. "You're crazy", said my friends as I explained my brilliant idea to them. Nevertheless, they agreed to my crazy idea and we began the digging operation that all we knew would take the better part of the day.
Shovel after shovel submerged itself into the ground as all of us worked tirelessly to dig a hole at least four feet deep and five feet wide. The process took so long that we took turns taking breaks catching a few waves on our boogie-boards. The sun radiated intensely, and our backs turned a slight shade of red because we forgot to reapply our sunscreen. As we dug deeper and deeper, it became harder for everyone to dig in the same spot at the same time, so our progress gradually slowed. We had dug so deep that water emerged from the sand we dug. Finally, as the sun was starting to set, the chasm we had created was deep enough for two people to be buried neck deep standing straight up.
The danger of this prospect never crossed my mind as my friend and I stepped into the hole. As anticipation and excitement welled up inside of me, I abandoned any thoughts about being able to escape and curled myself in a ball with my hands below the rest of my body, thinking that I would be the most comfortable in that position. Across from me, my friend bent his knees slightly, but otherwise remained standing. He looked at me questioningly as if something were wrong with my position but did not say anything.
"All right, we're ready", I told the rest of my friends standing outside of the hole. All at once they began shoveling mound after mound of sand back into the hole. I watched with a pang of regret as I watched our day's work undo itself. My body grew heavier and heavier as sand closed in between the gaps between my arms and legs. My movement and breath became restrained. As soon as the sand was up to my neck, they stopped. For several moments, I remained in that position, feeling accomplished at having achieved my goal.
Eventually I felt the muscles in my arm grow tense and attempted to move it before remembering that the sand would not allow me to. I told my friends to help unbury me. The process went slowly, and other parts of my body joined my aching arm. Suddenly, a sense of panic sparked in my mind as it dawned on me how difficult it would be for me to escape my self-imposed prison. Claustrophobia had been an abstract concept to me until that very moment. The feeling of helplessness and entrapment drove me crazy, and I began to yell. Alarmed at my sudden outburst, my friends started digging faster. My body began to burn as sandy hands and shovels scraped against my skin. My friend who was trapped with me was able to free himself because his position did not restrict him the way my position did. For half an hour, every muscle in my body tensed as I fought to free myself and ease the tension in my muscles.
Just when I felt my body could handle no more, I felt one arm free itself, then another, and another. A wave of relief washed over me like the waves I encountered in the ocean. My friends asked me if I was alright with concern in their voices. The more I talked about my experience to others, the more I realized I must have overreacted and wanted to try it again. The adrenaline rush that came with the panic was exhilarating. I finally understood what people felt when riding roller coasters. Although I told myself I would never do something like that again, every time I think back to that moment the biggest thing that I remember is the excitement I felt from a near-death experience.
It depends on what the requirements state about your essay lengths. Your essay is about 770 words, which in most essay requirements is slightly too long. However, your story does have a bit of a comedic stance to it, but it doesn't quite answer the prompt. It states that you should talk about extracurricular activities. Maybe you should add more of your experience with EC's and write about the fun you've derived from them.
Your idea of plain fun is a near-death experience? Wow, pretty unique. In contrast to the other comment, i think you answered the prompt, because they want you to talk about things other than school and ECs. You can definetly take out sentences that don't say much, and you have quite a few lurking in your body paragraphs. By removing extraneous details, you can get close to the word limit.
