Hi. This is my supplement essay for Emory. I have the basic structure down, so it would be wonderful if I get feedback on how I could develop my ideas. Also, any suggestions for a better hook or attention grabber?
Thanks!
The Emory College of Arts and Sciences is a good match for me, because my academic interest that I plan to pursue is biology. I particularly wish to take advantage of the fabulous opportunities for undergraduate research offered by the Department of Biology. Because my career goal is to be a doctor, I plan to take all the required courses for medical school, major in biology, and conduct researches related to medicine. The O. Wayne Rollins Research Center and the Emory University School of Medicine that are divisions of the Emory University assure me that such researches that I conduct will be well supported in terms of faculty and facilities. The close affiliations among the Department of Biology, the medical school, and the state-of-the-art research laboratories at the research center motivate me to continue walking on the path to becoming a doctor at Emory.
Emory College's study abroad programs also fulfill my desire to discover the world. The fact that the Center for International Programs Abroad gives the students the opportunity to continue pursuing education in a different country and culture is appealing, because I will be able to study while coming in contact with diverse cultures and people. Since my major is biology, I am particularly interested in the biology program offered by Science Experience Abroad in Queensland, Australia. Through such programs, Emory College is a good match for my outgoing nature and desire to explore.
Your essays shows you really know about the school! However, if I were you, I would make this a little more personal, maybe include some anecdotes that pertains to the prompt, because as of now, it sounds rather mundane. MANY APPLICANTS WILL SUBMIT SIMILAR KINDS OF ESSAYS!!! You need to have something personal to distinguish yourself from others. As for attention grabber, I can't help you since I don't know you :) Be sure to read my Princeton supplement, it is DUE TODAY!!! Thanks in advance.
i think your first sentence could be better like
The Emory College Of Arts And Sciences could be the challenge that i seek for
Since my major is biology, I am particularly interested in the biology program offered by Science Experience Abroad in Queensland, Australia.
put this in your first paragraph so your essay flows better because both are about biology
