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PLANET OF MY OWN; WRITING AWAY; COMMON APPLICATION; TOPIC OF YOUR CHOICE.



proberts 2 / 5  
Jan 15, 2013   #1
I am filing the Common Application and will be submitting this under "Topic of your choice". Please critique if possible.

When I write this world is gone. I am past our solar system, through and through space on my own planet where only my creations and I can survive.

The planets' sky is words. Endless sentences wrap the sky as if you were inside a snow globe with everything ever written scribbled on the glass. There is no sun for my planet, the words are like stars they light themselves and so light my planet. The shadows on the ground are my own words. The breeze tickling my cheek is like brail, I can feel the words that it wants to say. I need no pen nor paper in my world. I need nothing but my imagination.

My planet holds other universes, worlds, cities, places, and people all of which I have created. I never have to stop creating. Endless are the words and endless is my world. Immobile, I am not. In a lovely little city where trees are white as snow with leaves the brightest gold, and the shutters on the buildings are pale pastels, to a trek of land, lifeless, that is completely flat red rocks except for one lone silver arrow stuck in the ground shimmering against the burning glare of light from my words. The places are infinitely changeable. There is no point of exhaustion for them. There is not a "No way out" or "One Way" sign. They are endless, with almost a life of their own.

Writing is the way, I believe, that mere human catapult ourselves to being Omni-parent and omniscient. It is an escape and jail at the same time. For, once you taste writing in its truest form you are incapable of "just" writing. You can never truly stop writing for being a writer is endless.
lexyliu1209 4 / 13  
Jan 15, 2013   #2
Hey Proberts~Your essay really piqued my interest at the beginning!! you are a great writer and have a strong ability in description, amazing!!

But I just got a bit lost when I followed the essay. It's like you are trying to describe an imaginary world when you are writing, but the problem is that the description is a bit scattered apart. I felt you have three key words here: writing, planet, endless. But I am confused why these three are connected with each other.

Hope it helps!!!
OP proberts 2 / 5  
Jan 15, 2013   #3
Thanks! It does help a lot, I need other peoples opinions because I write in my own style and usually can't see that it wont make sense to others completely haha :) I wrote "Endless sentences wrap the sky.." and then "Endless are the words and endless is my world." because I thought it flowed and showed the idea that my "imaginary world" has no boundaries or ends just like the continuance sentence in the sky. should I use synonym? and maybe get rid of the extra endless at the very end, apparently its my favorite word :) Thanks again
lexyliu1209 4 / 13  
Jan 15, 2013   #4
my "imaginary world" has no boundaries or ends just like the continuance sentence in the sky.
This sentence is critical!! I guess you need to lead the reader to your own planet and still remember you are not talking about a planet, you are talking about how you feel when you write.

And also, how does this topic reflect who you are? I mean, I can see you are a free spirit guy, full of creativity. anything else? Instead of only talking about what you FEEL when you write, I think the admission committee are more interested in what you learned from writing or how this help you become who you are. I remember the main essay have a 500 word limit, so you still got some space to perhaps add one or two paragraphs about these.
iprocrastinate 1 / 4  
Jan 15, 2013   #5
Wow! I admire your vocabulary and word choice. Like what lexyilu1209 said your essay is amazing! It's just I get that you are writing about writing but it just seems out there... Sorry I don't know if this will help but I really love what you have going there! Good luck!! You have an hour left!

And if you have time please come read and fix mine :)
Thanks!
lexyliu1209 4 / 13  
Jan 15, 2013   #6
Also, "Endless are the words and endless is my world." is a good sentence. But I think it is a bit blurry. "When I write, my world is endless. My imagination was set free as the words flow out and fill the big flashing screen." something like that?


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