From what i have heard, even though this is an optional essay on the application, the school actually cares about it a lot!!!
I did some research and tried to present how well i know about the school and how Tulane will advance my career and educational goals.
I will appreciate any feedback!!! Thank you all very much!!!
A year ago, I came to the United States of America as a high school junior through an international exchange program, which eventually became one of my greatest life time experiences. This program has provided me a unique opportunity me to know individual teachers and students of Merrol Hyde Magnet School and local residents of the State of Tennessee. From them, I have learned much about the American culture. In every way, the exchange program has exposed me to a totally different and exciting new world by offering me a variety of choices and opportunities as I began to explore my role in the society. The fact that many Americans volunteer their time to help others has strongly influenced my decision to give back to the community in a variety of positive ways.
I'm planning to study Public Health in Tulane University. In my opinion, Public Health is a dynamic and rewarding field that offers great personal fulfillment by working towards improving hundreds and thousands of people's health and well being. I want to help people and I enjoy serving others. I hope one day I can use what I learn in college to further the progress that my native country, China, and other developing nations are currently making.
As one of the most highly regarded and selective independent research universities in the United States, Tulane attracts me with its exceptional academic programs and the rigorous research activities. I am aware that the School of Public Health and Tropical Medicine is the oldest school of public health in the nation, and is recognized as one of the accredited members of ASPH (Association of Schools of Public Health), offering a special 4+1 joint degree program to the outstanding students. Studying in Tulane will equip me with a strong base in the liberal arts and sciences and a solid foundation in the public health sciences. The university's extensive research collaboration with other celebrated educational institutions around the world will serve as a great ladder for me to the broader perspective of Public Health in a global level. In addition, I am amazed by the great number of academic resources and opportunities that are offered to the students in Tulane. As an entering international freshman interested in the public health sciences, I would like to engage myself in various activities outside the classroom, such as The Tulane Public Health Society (TUPHS) and the Center for Public Service (CPS). The numerous enrichment activities and programs will provide me ample opportunities to develop and to apply my academic knowledge, to explore different cultures and communities, and to continue my passion of doing public service.
I appreciate the university's effort in building a collegial and stimulating learning environment and offering unparalleled opportunities for all students. The school has an ambitious and eager student body, and it is my inclination to face demanding challenges and heightened competition by being one of the diversified elite students, learning from each other. I truly believe that Tulane will provide me an excellent academic education and help me lay a solid foundation for my future career.
Hello Xiaoxin,
I have reviewed your essay. It received a computer generated score of 73/100 and a human reviewed score of 66/100. First I would like to say that your level of English is great for someone who has been in the country for only a year and admissions counselors will add that to your credit. With that said, there are several grammatical errors that are present throughout your essay. Namely, your word choice, at times, is not appropriate. For instance in your opening paragraph you state "local resident from the state of Tennessee." That's akin to mixing apples with oranges. If you are going to say local, then you should select a locality in the state. State is a very huge word and does not support the idea of "local." This pattern is pervasive throughout your essay. Other than this, your essay is pretty standard and will be similar to the type of essay that will be submitted by the vast majority of students. If it is your desire to earn a scholarship from Tulane, I would suggest that you add a bit of a "bang." to your essays. Hope this helps.
Errors
Use of articles 2
Confusing modifiers 1
Wordiness 2
Passive voice use 3
Spelling 1
Vocabulary use 2
Thank you very much Dwayne M for reviewing my essay!!!
I appreciate your help!!!
I do want to get scholarship from Tulane. When you say "bang", what do you mean? Is my essay not creative enough? Should I talk about something other than academics?
This essay is actually due tomorrow. I still welcome other people's feedback!!! Thanks!!!
