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"Go to Play Basketball" - how will u contribute to our school


PrettyBoyu 4 / 19  
Dec 16, 2009   #1
Go to Play Basketball
Basketball is my passion, my companion as well as my mentor. I have a foggy memory of how basketball first came into my life. It was a boring afternoon and I was feeling listless, when a classmate said to me, "Hey! Want to play a ball game?" "What game?" I replied. "Basketball. Come on!" The beginning to one of the most fascinating journeys of my life happened like this, plainly and ordinarily just like any other trifling incident. However, despite having no special beginning, the progress I have made because of basketball has gone far beyond the expectations that I had that afternoon.

Seven years later, basketball has become an important part of my life. From point guard to forward, from a member to the leader, and from China to Singapore, I have learnt much from basketball.

What really matters is not individual scores but cooperation with teammates for victory
Being tall with great physical flexibility, I was regarded as a basketball talent. But when I first started playing basketball, I was so impetuous that I would sprint towards the hoop as soon as I got the ball. In this way, I turned my back on an important factor of basketball, cooperation with one's teammates. As a result, I would not only score very few points but also receive complaints from others. As time went by and my performance went from bad to worse, it dawned on me that cooperation and teamwork were the core of a group. Only through cooperation can a group demonstrate its full potential. And this is why I say that basketball has taught me to pay due attention to my peers and treat them with more respect.

Ball is to court what dream is to life. One has to strive and fight hard if he or she wants to hit the mark

I have great respect and admiration for what Chris Gardner said to his son in the movie The Pursuit of Happiness: "You got a dream, you gotta protect it." I personally feel that this sentence is very applicable to me because before I began playing basketball, I performed dismally at other contact sports. However, when I fell in love with basketball, I came to realize that I had to struggle for opportunities by myself. Without putting up a fight, I could only accept my own failure in the end.

Not until the final second can one find out who is the winner
In the years that I stayed in mainland China and Singapore, my schedule was swamped with basketball competitions with other schools and countries. One thing I learnt was that no matter how strong the opponent is, the victor is only declared after the match. In the final few seconds, even the underdog who persists and pushes harder can easily take the victory. Indeed, this is a reflection of our daily life. Just like my two-year stint in Singapore, perseverance has paid off: I managed to assimilate successfully into Singaporean culture, rid my spoken English of its Szechuan accent, organize multiple basketball matches in spite of numerous obstacles, and convince the teacher to infuse Confucianism into his lecture.

Basketball has played a significant role and exerted a positive influence on my life over the past seven years. I believe that this influence will carry in the years to come. Hopefully, my journey to my aspirations will arc in a beautiful curve in the sky and finally hit the target with resounding blow of perseverance, conviction and cooperation.
IntlIndian /  
Dec 16, 2009   #2
The beginning to one of the most fascinating journeys of my life happened like this, plainly and ordinarily just like any other trifling incident.
The beginning of one of the most fascinating journeys of my life was plain and ordinary, just like any other trifling incident

( I don't think you should include words like 'trifling'and 'impetuous' if they don't sound write- it's not a test of vocabulary. But you could use big words to colour your essay- ONLY if they fit)

dawned on me that cooperation and teamwork were the core of a group. (WAS-also core of a group doesn't sound right- use another phrase maybe..or make it a normal sentence)
OP PrettyBoyu 4 / 19  
Dec 16, 2009   #3
thanx a lot
So how do u think this essay in whole
anywhere i can change?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 19, 2009   #4
Well... I really like your use of the word trifling, and I like some other adjectives, like "foggy."

Trifle works well in this sentence, because it means thesaurus.reference.com/browse/trifling

Now, for this sentence, you can start practicing with the figure of speech called an "article." For example, "the." ----> The ball is to the court what a dream is to life.

That makes it sound more natural. However, many ESL students have trouble with the word "the." It is actually quite powerful to omit the word "the" sometimes. Maybe you did it on purpose.

Anyway, this is a very thoughtful essay. But the difficult part of this essay is "how will you contribute?" You should answer the question. Give a paragraph that tells specific ways you can contribute: encouraging people to explore sports, using teamwork in other activities besides basketball, starting a club, etc. Name some facilities and programs at the school to which you will contribute tme and energy and enthusiasm.


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