Prompt: How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
Not to sure where to go or how to revise so please comment away! Thanks!
I am at homecoming, dancing to my heart's content. I slowly gravitate towards the middle, informally known as the Core, and there is nothing stopping me from dancing until I drop from exhaustion. The Core, in my school, is an inescapable vortex in the middle of the dance floor at our homecoming dance. Once you go in, there is no way out. Quite simply, all that there is left to do is to dance.
Fortunately, the Core at UChicago is more than just a dance floor. However, there are some remarkable similarities. Dancing in the Core takes about a third of the night, much like the time spent in the Core at UChicago. The Core, the one on the dance floor, is a melting pot of different people, all of whom have different expertise in differing subjects, yet they dance together on one dance floor. The Core, at UChicago, is a renowned program that encourages students to collaborate with other disciplines, to dance together and share the opportunities to learn and grow as one. At UChicago, I know that my education will be a beautiful combination of complex disciplines.
UChicago is more than just an institution for education. It is an institution that promotes community and camaraderie. At UChicago, I would feel right at home and have no shame in showing my affinity for Harry Potter by playing in a game of Quidditch. With its more than 400 student organizations, my vital need for new culture would never go unfulfilled. What particularly attracts me to UChicago is that UChicago is filled with brilliant students with inspiring dreams, yet these brilliant people still find time to enjoy themselves, as evident with Chicago Shady Dealer.
To satiate my desire for education, I look towards UChicago. UChicago is an institution that promotes education, as well as enjoyment of oneself. Education should be a culmination of culture and wisdom, both of which are provided with no restraint at UChicago. The student body and the hundreds of student organizations promote the diversity needed for proper growth in culture. UChicago can satisfy my desires of higher education.
Jeremy, although I know that there are actually some clubs that play a modified game of Quidditch on campus and other venues, I am not sure that discussing that interest in terms of UChicago really works. My apprehension stems from you seemingly assuming that you can play the game on campus with the support of the community and university administration. I was wondering if you could not approach it differently instead?
Since the prompt asks you to discuss the kind of student community that the university offers in relation to your learning, why not present the game as a continuation of your educational quest instead? Does the game somehow relate to your chosen major? Maybe you can discuss it as a form of interaction among students of the same major wherein the game can serve not only as a way to relax, but also another way to learn, similar in some ways to the teaching method that The Core offers? It could be the way that you envision your future education, which is the last specification of the prompt.
Honestly, this is a very engaging response. It is imaginative and is presented in a way that uniquely presents your response. You have done well with this essay. It just needs some adjustment in my opinion :-)