Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


"I played around with my computer" NYU - Poly Supplement short questions


ashyy1992 4 / 8  
Jan 8, 2010   #1
Hello everyone, I have completed my NYU-Poly supplement and I would like anyone reading this post to help me edit my short answer questions (everything is near or at 500 characters) Thank you!

If you could spend one day in New York City with a famous inventor, who would you like it to be, where would you go, and why?

I choose Thomas Edison because he improved the idea of a light bulb and reinvented it. His version of the light bulb was the most sophisticated because it included all three major elements that left his competition in dust. Since I know New York City both inside and out, I would first blindfold him and then remove it when we arrive at Times Square. He would be awed by the numerous lights and how technology has improved since 1879. There is someone who always wants to improve an existing idea.

Tell us why you selected your major or your area of interest.

My major is Computer Engineering. I selected this major because of my ardor for computers. Everyone comes to me for any tech related help and some ask me, "How come you know so much about computers?" My reply is, "I played around with my computer." I want to become a Computer Engineer since I want to learn more about computers, inside and out. The compliments of my friends and also my own fervor for computers inspired me to pursue my career as a Computer Engineer.

Why do you want to attend NYU-Poly?

I want to attend NYU-Poly because I would be receiving an excellent education not too far from my home. NYU-Poly will be a challenge for many students but I know that I am ready because of my experience with computers. I am more than prepared to succeed because of my experience in college level work in The Brooklyn Latin School. I believe that my transition into NYU-Poly will be as smooth as possible because I am prepared and anxious to start college in the Fall.
yang 2 / 313  
Jan 8, 2010   #2
three major elements

mm...enlighten me, what are the elements again?

Since I know New York City both inside and out

take out both

There is someone who always wants to improve an existing idea.

I don't think you need this sentence as a finish

I selected this major because of my ardor for computers.

mm...why else? you probably should come up with something more unique than I want to do CS because I like computers.

Everyone comes to me for any tech related help and some ask me, "How come you know so much about computers?" My reply is, "I played around with my computer."

this is just plain arrogant. Unless you've hacked pentagon computers and gotten million dollars top secret softwares like Jonathan James, I don't think you can say that you know "so much about computers"

I want to become a Computer Engineer since I want to learn more about computers, inside and out. The compliments of my friends and also my own fervor for computers inspired me to pursue my career as a Computer Engineer.

this finish is no where near personal. You basically said: i want to do CS because 1 i like computers and 2 i'm good at it...because my friends think i'm a computer genius. this is not exactly what a college is looking for in an applicant

NYU-Poly will be a challenge for many students

so you're saying, without proof other than you have experience with computers, that you're better than many other students...extremely arrogant.

I am more than prepared to succeed

wow, that makes me really want to crush your haughtiness (no offense, but if i feel this way, the admin will, and that's not a good sign)

as smooth as possible

what do you mean by that?

the first response was original, but the second and third are just very generic, and VERY ARROGANT comment. You want to show that you're good, but not say you're good. when you do that, you'd just antagonize your audience and discredit your (surely amazing) abilities. I wasn't trying to attack you personally, but your tone is really dismissive and self centered.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 16, 2010   #3
because he improved the idea of a light bulb and reinvented it.

I don't think this is a reason for choosing him. I think it is a description of his work. What is your real reason for choosing him?

I think it is supposed to be like this:
There is always someone who always wants to improve an existing idea.

My major is Computer Engineering. I selected this major because of my ardor for computers. I think the second part would be better without these two sentences. They weigh it down. It is so nice if you start the essay with action:

Everyone comes to me for any tech related help and some ask me, "How come you know so much about computers?"

:-)
OP ashyy1992 4 / 8  
Jan 31, 2010   #4
^ Thank you sir.


Home / Undergraduate / "I played around with my computer" NYU - Poly Supplement short questions
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳