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Playing around with friends - UBC


YDNdaniel 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2022   #1

TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE.


HOW WOULD YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND/OR MEMBERS OF YOUR COMMUNITY DESCRIBE YOU? IF POSSIBLE, PLEASE INCLUDE SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF AND WHY. (MAXIMUM 1500 CHARACTERS)


I'd see other people playing around with friends as I noticed myself doing my own activities alone. There was not much do, besides go outside. It was a new complex, and it felt scary to talk to new faces. Fortunately, I had my brother around. He was able to be more talkative with people and I found myself following in his footsteps.

I've always felt that I am someone who enjoys spending time alone, as I tend to wonder what the other person may think about me if I were to strike a conversation. Even my parents always say I should go out more and hang out with friends. But with all those being said. I remain in my room doing my own activities. As time went on, I had found a place where I was comfortable enough to talk with the other members in the complex and I had joined a circle of friends to where I could play around and be able to laugh and have a good time.

This would continue to carry on to elementary school where the same situation would be repeated, however someone had come up to help me through. With his help I was able to continue learning while befriending my classmates. On the other side there was a side of me who enjoyed helping people with homework or any sort of difficulties. My classmates would always ask for help and a majority would refer to me as a great helper if they had problems. It would always feel great helping others as being able to see them understand something they were unable to before can make a person feel happy for what they have done.

To anyone willing to give feedback. Thank you so much.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,582 4452  
Nov 29, 2022   #2
Do not get stuck in your own head when it comes to second or this person descriptions of who you are. The essay is not reflective of a public opinion in connection with their relationship with you. The essay does not convince the reader that you actually understood what sort of character analysis is required of you based upon the prompt.

The proudest reference in the essay is not effective either. Mainly because it uses a series of generic discussion points that do not really lead up to a memorable proudest moment in your life or in relation to your overall relationship with people.

It would be best if the writer develops a second version of this statement. This time focus on the required character and accomplishment analysis over 2 or 3 paragraphs. See yourself from the point of view of those close to you. Do not try to convert your personal opinion into a public statement. That is where this essay went wrong.
vankhanh 1 / 2  
Dec 6, 2022   #3
You should write more about how your friend change you, what did they do to make you more open to others.
It can be a little confusing to understand how you were really shy and you helped other people. You should focus on the helping action and other people's needs you make you feel like you're needed.

Lastly, how did this experience complete you, what person did you become after this experience?


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