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"playing cricket" - Prompt about my amazing extracurricular activity (common app)


umar99 1 / -  
Oct 20, 2010   #1
This is a common app essay about the extracurricular activities. I am sure there are some mistakes in there. Can u please review it and tell me what i suppose to change

"Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below or on an attached sheet (150 words or fewer)."

The busy, tired and stressful week turns into a fun and relaxed week, after I play cricket with my friends every Tuesday and Saturday. Even though I like to play every sport, but cricket is something that is part of my life. My friends and I gather fifteen people who are interested in learning and/or playing cricket. We have practice sessions on Tuesday, where we improve our cricket skills. I am a fast bowler, and can pitch bowl at least 80+ mph. I am also improving my batting and fielding skills. Some of my friends have a hard time playing because of the level of difficulty in the game. I try to teach them the important details to the best of my ability and to help them increase their confidence. When I will turn eighteen, I will start playing for Dayton Cricket Club. Cricket is my passion, and it had made me strong, confidence, and hard working person.

RyanVi16 12 / 91  
Oct 20, 2010   #2
Hi,
I think you should keep your essay in past tense even though you might still doing it (but it just a suggestion, you don't have to take it)

The busy, tired and stressful week turns into a fun and relaxed week, after I play cricket with my friends every Tuesday and Saturday.

Just my suggestion: The busy and stressful week became fun and relaxed after the weekly cricket games with my best friends.

My friends and I gathered fifteen people who are interested in learning and/or playing cricket

I am a fast bowler, and can pitch bowl at least 80+ mph. I am also improving my batting and fielding skills

Another suggestion: Even though I can pitch bowl at 80 mph, but I am also trying to improve my batting and fielding skills (I have no idea if this even grammatical correct)

Some of my friends had a hard time playing because of the level of difficulty inof the game

I tried to teach them the important details to the best of my ability and to help them increase their confidence

When I will turn eighteen, I will start playing for Dayton Cricket Club

Yet another suggestion :) : My goal when I turned eighteen is to play for the Dayton Cricket Club.

I know grammar is not my strong forte so I hope someone can help improve your errors and maybe even catch some of mine.


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