Hey everyone!
The Penn deadline is coming up soon,so any help on revisiing the essay would be greatly appreciated. Also,feel free to tell me if anything i added in is unnecessary.
and what do you guys think of the first sentance? I wasnt sure if it was too confusing.
and should i remove the part about adopting a kitten & oprah?
Thanks a ton=]
Essay:
From the early stages of my existence -playing "doctor" with my young cousins at four years old, unaware of its true complexities yet enticed nonetheless- I knew medicine would was my calling. Throughout the years my love of science and health continued to strengthen through instances such as adopting a kitten in 5th grade and tuning in to the Oprah show just to watch Dr. Oz. So, when I had begun researching colleges during my sophomore year of high school, it was clear the University of Pennsylvania School of Arts and Sciences was the school for me. While I was momentarily torn between majoring in Biology or Biomedical Sciences, my conversation with a Penn junior and endless research ensured me that the School of Arts and Sciences would best set me on my pre-med path.
With Penn's unique four interdisciplinary schools, my decision won't impact my ability to take classes in the other schools. The University's plethora of research opportunities will give me the hands-on learning experience that I could gain nowhere else. Internships in a variety of medicine related fields such as hematology, neurology, and pediatrics will only strengthen my goals and give my insight on all the different paths I can take. And with 84% of Penn pre-med seniors getting accepted into Medical school, I know Penn will fully prepare me for a successful life and career.
Hand-in-hand with Penn's undergraduate schools is its academics. With professors such as chemistry Professor Negishi-winner of a Nobel Prize in chemistry and whose work with carbon structures I find particularly interesting-I will be able to learn from and interact with teachers exceptionally skilled in their fields. I can already imagine myself absorbed in my freshman year Biology 121 class taught by Dr. Rea, rapidly taking notes and fully engrossed in the intricate details of molecular life.
Aside from the academics, the students and life at the University of Pennsylvania are a large contributing factor of why Penn is my top choice school. Penn has a unique variety of extracurricular activities, leaving me almost unable to choose which ones to devote my time to. With things like MSA, Running Club, various Activist groups, I know my time will be well spent. Penn is also one of the few schools with a Quidditch team; a sport based on the novel Harry Potter which I can continue from high school. Being a social person, I know that during my 4 years at Penn I will constantly be meeting new people from different backgrounds, cultures, and walks of life.
Being a student at the University of Pennsylvania will give me endless opportunities from having a summer internship working for a biomedical faculty member to simply the experience of going to the Fisher Fine Arts Library for a quiet place to study. With the School of Arts and Sciences, as well as the variety of clubs and groups at the University of Pennsylvania, I am sure I will meet leaders and friends that I will continue to learn from for the rest of my life.
Yusra
You have definitely done your research as you amply provide example of that fact. Its good that you are aware of PENN and I think that the admissions reader will appreciate this as well. You also handled they why you like medicine aspect well, the opening sentence was a good intro, and demonstrates that medicine truly is your calling and has been so for a while. Overall I think your essay was nice and solid, and just needs a little more tweaking.
Is there a word limit?
Hope this helps! & take a look a my common app essay if you can. Thanks!
