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'Playing flute and guitar' - CommonApp short answer essay


zaclizitong 1 / 4 1  
Oct 14, 2012   #1
Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

Here is my essay:

After playing flute for the school band for two year, I decided to pick up something new and that was when I joined Guitar Ensemble. Through the two years in the ensemble, not only did I hone my guitar skills and performed 6 public concert, but also teach me the value of servant leadership. As a member of the executive committee, I was responsible for the safe-keeping of 80 guitars, each worths $800, and this taught me how to organize things and communicate with members in the most efficient way. Being in a 200-people community, I learnt how to make new friends and appreciate talents of others and indeed, this helped me to make many friends and made my duty as a leader much easier. In the preparation for the public concert Esperanza 2012, I volunteered myself to design posters and make a promotional video, the results were overwhelming. Therefore, I learnt that I have to make the best use of talents and should never hesitate to volunteer myself.

Feel free to point out any mistakes or provide some suggestions.
Thank you guys!
llin 4 / 6  
Oct 15, 2012   #2
This seems to have made a big impact on your life, but I find it lacking that impact in your writing. Dig a little deeper past "should never hesitate to volunteer myself". Also, focus on tenses and grammar.

Good Luck. :)
OP zaclizitong 1 / 4 1  
Oct 15, 2012   #3
Thank you buddy! Your reply is precious to me. Good luck to your application, too.
winifred 1 / 5  
Oct 15, 2012   #4
hey. I think you should try to make your sentences and words more vivid and catching. You elaborated your activity thoroughly, that's good. but when I read your essay, I feel like you are making a list of your contribution to the ensemble. You may come up some ideas to make the essay sounds more interesting and make yourself unique.
partooz 5 / 13  
Oct 15, 2012   #5
Your essay is pretty interesting, but it does have some errors. When you have number around 1-9, they should be in words. Also, your essay switches verb tense. Keep a consistent verb tense to induce flow in your essay. You also have some misspelled words like "learnt" should be "learned".
OP zaclizitong 1 / 4 1  
Oct 21, 2012   #6
HELP! CommonApp short answer essay!!!

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

Here is my essay:

I decided to join guitar ensemble in high school because I always admire great guitarists and imagine myself on stage playing electric guitar and sing rock songs. However, out of my expectation, the ensemble was nothing like a rock band and I almost quit because of this. Fortunately, I didn't. My two-year experience in the ensemble convinced my that I would definitely regret if I did because I learned the most significant lesson of my life here: servant-leadership. I had been a student leader for various groups and events for years and what I did was merely giving orders and ideas to others, but it wouldn't work in a 200-people ensemble. So I changed my approach, together with my executive committee members, I prolonged the opening hour of store room, reviewed duty roster system, helped members to clean their guitars and organized activities to forger bonds among members. As a result, I earned their respect and moreover, I made friends for life. I believe the guitar ensemble experience will root in my heart not just because of the guitar skills I learned or the six concerts I performed, but the friendship forged and the important lesson I learned here.

Feel free to point out any mistakes and provide suggestions! It will be great if you have any idea about how to make it shorter, the requirement is less than 1000 characters, but it's 1170 characters now. Thank you guys, I'll help to look through your essay if you need!
LTC Lawrence 1 / 5  
Oct 21, 2012   #7
One little hint to decrease the characters is to delete the space before each sentence,that would cause red line in the "word" but that doesn't matter.

One little mistake is "My two-year experience in the ensemble convinced my that " should me changed to me.
And your content is well done...
Finally ,Would you like to see my essay which is posted?


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