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"playing lacrosse" - Boston college short essay


yadda514 4 / 16  
Nov 12, 2010   #1
Short Essay: In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.

I like to play lacrosse. Lacrosse is a combination of almost all sports; there are aspects of soccer, hockey, basketball, and many others. When I looked into Boston University I saw a school where I could do anything, a school that could give me a place where all my options were open. I saw it as a place in which none of my hidden talents would be wasted, and a place where all my talents would be improved upon. I like Boston University because I like playing lacrosse; I get to have a little bit of everything. I previously contacted Boston University enclosing a brief letter, showing my interest in the school, and a resume.
ExplodingDonuts 1 / 11  
Nov 12, 2010   #2
Hmm, it kinda seems vague, especially when discussing your talents. I know it's only 5-6 sentences, but I learned from my 300 character 4-lined stanford short answers that you can say a lot in those 6 sentences. Try being more specific like focus in on one talent
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 22, 2010   #3
I like to play lacrosse.----This intro sentence is too simple. Make it interesting by adding some detail! :-)

It will be better if you move a sentence:
Lacrosse is a combination of almost all sports; there are aspects of soccer, hockey, basketball, and many others. I like Boston University because I like playing lacrosse; I get to have a little bit of everything. When I looked into ...

See the change I made? You can establish your theme earlier in the paragraph.

:-)
OP yadda514 4 / 16  
Nov 27, 2010   #4
Thank you for all the feed back! I will do so !
tensplyr4eva 7 / 13  
Nov 28, 2010   #5
agreed with kevin--make your opening "show", not just "tell". what i mean is, try to make your intro engaging without being too cliche. draw the reader in...remember, your essay is among thousands the admissions officer will read! also, clarify what your "hidden talents" are. if you have not yet discovered them, say something about how BC is the ultimate place where you can expand upon the hobbies you already have and explore ones you've hoped to participate in.

otherwise, good work :)


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