Playing squash - UBC Personal profile - WHAT ARE U PROUD OF AND WHY?

TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE. WHAT ARE U PROUD OF AND WHY?

I'm don't usually write essays and this is my first time doing something this big. any feedback is appreciated

Growing up with a learning disability in a hyper-competitive education system I have had to work harder than my peers to achieve the same results. this instilled the value of hard work and perseverance in me. My family would describe me as reserved and dependable while my friends would tell a completely different story by describing me as extroverted and reckless . I have always been ready to try new things like playing a new sport for example.

I started playing squash at the age of 14 which is very late as people start playing as early as 5 years old. When I started I could barely hit the ball let alone compete with people of my age group. I started to play train for 8-10hrs a week for a year until I felt that I was ready to compete in tournaments. I played tournaments all over the country and I achieved a top 100 national rank in my first year of competing, only due to my hard work and my commitment to prove to people that it is never too late to start. Something else I am proud of is my ability to apply concepts taught in the classroom in building projects that will help people who are not as fortunate as us. An example of this is my electricity-producing water pump which converts the kinetic energy produced by the pumping motion into electricity and stores it for later use. This would allow electrification of rural and remote areas with almost no added cost and would use pre-existing infrastructure

The essay is too busy in terms of telling the reviewer who you are and what you are proud of. Information in the first paragraph belongs to a totally different prompt so it should not be included here. Information presented should focus on the "what are you proud of " section of the prompt. Think about how you want torespond to the prompt. What strongest accomplishment or character trait are you most proved of? Do you believe that you can offer strong justifications for one topic? Then go with that response. It isn't the number of accomplishments that matter. It is the reason behind it that the reviewer wants to know about. so try to be unique with your response. One strong accomplishment is all that is needed for the response to work.