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'playing video games to cheer myself up' - CommonApp Personal Statement


madluck 2 / 2  
Nov 23, 2012   #1
I have the most difficulty talking about myself, so these personal statements are hard for me. This is my second draft as the first was looked over by one of the English teachers from my school. What do you guys think? Any advice very much appreciated. Thank you.

For the essay, I wanted to talk about my views on friends and how that has changed because of a character in one of the games I played. Here it is:

Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

At one time I believed that people should not be trusted. When I begin my freshman year of high school my mother told me not to put too much trust in friends because they may stab me in the back one day. Best friends did not exist in my world and I did not need them especially in an academically driven environment. From then on, I created an outer shell of myself that masked my emotions. I believed that people who knew too much about me will one day be my worst enemy.

Whenever I feel down I usually cheer myself up playing video games. This is what I did throughout high school. Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 is a notable mention because it addressed the problem I had with friends and insecurities through a character named Kanji Tatsumi. Kanji was the misunderstood delinquent and outcast. Kanji did not have friends because of his demoralizing demeanor, but only because he was afraid to be open about himself in fear of being shunned. Kanji's belief is similar to mine; we both did not want others to know about ourselves. I was the quiet kid in class, but because of that everybody thought I was a demon; I did not talk to anybody and I did not seem happy. I was just afraid that when I opened myself to other people they will use the information they received from me against me. I did not want to be hurt of feel betrayed so I kept everything bottled up inside of me. Kanji is an amazing character; he took a risk: telling his friends that he is questioned his sexuality. He could have lost his friends at that point, but his friends accepted him. Kanji knew his friends will never leave him no matter what that is why he told them.

In the middle of my junior year, all the secrets and stress that accumulated inside of me exploded. I felt so worthless and kept beating myself up for not being able to handle school like my peers. All the bottled up emotions were too much for me to handle. Playing Persona 4 that year, I realized how the characters treasured the bonds they had with their friends and all the trust they had in them. Like Kanji, I decided to take the risk. I told two of my friends this: "I think I am going to quit RV Scholars after this year you guys. All the stress and the work, I do not think I can take it anymore." My dear friends encouraged me and told me that they would always be there for me.

Just like the characters in the game, it took an ordeal for me to realize that friends are people that I can trust, but it took a game for me to realize that I needed friends and their support to keep progressing in life.
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Nov 23, 2012   #2
At one timeI used to believe that people should not be trusted. When I began my freshman year of high school, my mother toldadvised me not to put too much trust in friends because they may stab me in the back one day. For me, b est friends did not exist,in my world and I did not need them, especially in an academically driven environment.

From then on, I created aouterprotective shell offor myself that masked my emotions. I believed that people who knew too much about me willwouldone day be my worst enemy someday.

Whenever I feel down I usually cheer myself up playing video games. This is what I did throughout high school.

You could also say it like this: "During high school, I played video games to relieve stress and cheer myself up after a bad day."
nounoub21 3 / 11 1  
Nov 23, 2012   #3
When i BEGAN my freshman year...
I usually cheer myself up BY playing videogames
They WOULD use the information

When you talk about Kanji and him questioning his sexuality, I think you should connect it more with your second to last paragraph. Maybe combine that part with the second one or leave it as a separate paragraph

Other than that, I think it is very well written and you were able to relate very well with the fictional character. Good luck!


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