My world revolved around playing with my Yoshi doll and making new friends. I was an average carefree seven-year old living life as if every day was a never-ending recess. Unfortunately, recess eventually ends. As a kid, I became familiar with the term poverty as I sat at lunch watching other kids eat the school lunch I could not afford. Not only as the oldest, but as a stepchild, I had to work twice as hard in academics to prove my worth within my family. These hardships in my childhood allowed my dreams and aspirations to form and create the determined person I am today.
As in all families, education was valued above all. My parents would tell me if I earned a high education, I would live a better lifestyle. With only a high school diploma, my parents had to struggle from paycheck to paycheck to make ends meet. Therefore I believed that education ensured happiness, and with this mindset, I strived to be the best in school. A competitive spirit was invoked in me as each test was placed before me. However, the A's I earned did not make me happy. Although every award I brought home delighted my parents, they only brought me temporary satisfaction. Contrary to what my parents felt, the A's I received was as unsatisfactory as C's, the awards as useless as my old toys. In order to meet my parent's mantra, I had forsaken my own desires to meet theirs. I felt as though I was living life as a puppet.
It was my grandma that freed me from my strings. She helped me realize that no matter what I do in life, I should do it for myself and not for the benefit of others. I did not have to become the doctor I did not want to be, or the lawyer that makes a large amount of money. I realized the goals my parents had for me would not make me happy, and I had to decide for myself what my goals and dreams were.
I was fascinated with our first computer, an old Apple that hummed when it turned on. A stream of letters and numbers filled the screen and suddenly colors began to appear, forming little icons and pictures in the background. The colors and exciting interaction of games opposed to my dull and endless calculus homework made the computer my escape. To my family, computers and games was as boring and pointless as watching an empty channel on the television, but I thought I had come across the career I would dream of achieving: game design. I spent countless hours researching the artistic styles and unique ideas of game designers in order to expand my knowledge of game designing principles. Through independent studies in programming and experimenting with my own computer, I am able to learn more than what was taught in classrooms. I was able to build my first computer at thirteen, and joined the school's computer team at sixteen. In each of these experiences I felt a sense of achievement and satisfaction I had never felt when striving for what my parents wanted.
After excelling in my computer programming class, I realized computers were the dream I was looking for all along. I am determined to be a world famous game designer who would revolutionize the game industry. When I first introduced this idea to my parents, they gave me a skeptical look and told me I should become someone more realistic. But I was not deterred. Unlike before, I will not be easily swayed by other people's opinions. Through past experiences, I know only I can decide my future, and living a life of luxury is only secondary to living a life of my own choice. The determination and passion I have for computers will keep bringing me one step closer to my long awaited dream.
Sorry if I was vague, I meant if I put too much detail and if I could cut down on it a little or if I should be more specific in some areas. I would also like a grammatical error check if that isn't too much to ask :]
This prompt falls under the freshman prompt#1.
Thank you for reviewing my essay
In regards to content, I'm not sure really where you are going with it. In the introduction you talk about poverty, leading your audience to believe that this will be discussed in the paper, and never mention it again. Likewise, you don't really discuss your goals and your parents' drive for you to be what they want you to be in your introduction, yet that makes up the bulk of the content in your essay. Make sure that you stick to your topic throughout your paper and don't include things that aren't necessary to your topic.
