Short Essay: In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.
When I started the college search, I listed the things I want in a school. I wanted to be in a school that has a diversified community, a school that offers great amenities, mainly laboratories, since I intend to major in Chemistry and a school in an urban setting. I can honestly say that even though there were many schools that met my criteria, only BU stood out for its pleasant location in the heart of the city. When a BU representative visited our school, I eagerly attended the presentation because I needed to further educate myself on BU. After the presentation, I had a chat with the BU representative whom I regarded to be a valuable source of information and he encouraged me to take the risk and believe that BU might be a place for me.
Essay #1: Given what you know about Boston University, what do you hope to accomplish as an undergraduate here? Please respond in an essay of no more than 500 words.
Many have asked, "Why Chemistry? And most importantly why in BU?"
Well it is simply because Chemistry is a subject that opens doors to many fulfilling career opportunities, such as a crime scene investigator or a pharmaceutical chemist. In my opinion, chemistry is the most engaging and fascinating subject, because through conducting laboratory experiments, one possesses the opportunity to question conventional theories and create theories of their own. With the vast resources BU offers, there are many things that I can accomplish throughout my 4 years in BU. For example, I could continue my research on the concentration of ethanol affecting the rate of reaction of starch hydrolysis by using -amylase. I have started on this research a year ago for my Extended Essay, the research encircles around the effect of humans behavior under the influence of alcohol. I find this research interesting because it gives me the opportunity to understand the reasons why people enjoy drinking. Through this research, I managed to gather data that covers many aspect of why people consume alcohol. However, this research is focused more on the chemical reaction between the body system and alcohol. However, I could not come to a proper conclusion due to time constraints and lack of resources. I believe that in BU I could further improve my experiment by using isotonic solution, which is a solution closer to blood or maybe use blood itself. This is a good consideration as the results I might be achieving can relate to the biochemical reaction rather than the results I achieve by using water, which has a high degree of hydrogen bonding and that low alcohol concentration may not be affected. Thus in BU, I will not only have the opportunity to finish a research that I started but also a chance to conduct experiments with people with different views than mine and amend each other's hypotheses to produce better results.
Please feel free to criticize it because I want to learn from my mistake and make this short essay better.
I was amazed by the number of schools that met my requirements but I was especially interested in BU because of its pleasant location and how everything else encircles it, which makes living in that location for four years easy.
For me this is a little confusing, maybe say "because of its pleasant location in the heart of the city" or something, if that is the point you're trying to make. Granted, I know nothing about BU or Boston so that might be totally false.
Also, I feel like your last sentence left me hanging. What were the results of talking to the rep? How did that make you finalize your decision to apply?
2nd Draft
When I started the college search, the school's university counselor asked me to list the things I want in a school. I wanted to be ...
Do you think it's better than my first draft ? >____<"
Much better. The last sentence is a little cliche but thats ok. Reading the prompt again, I wonder if you can expand more on the steps you have taken? That isn't a huge deal though, I feel you've pretty well covered the major bases.
EDITED! CAN SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE!
Please be BRUTAL!
for its pleasant location in the heart of the city. ---This does not accomplish any thing. I mean, specifying this does not accomplish anything.
When a BU representative visited our school, I eagerly attended the presentation because I needed to further educate myself on BU.----This answers the question but does not do anything for you... does not improve the impression you are making.
After the presentation, I had a chat with the BU representative whom I regarded to be a valuable source of information and he encouraged me---Take all these unhelpful sentences out and replace them with sentences that reflect your focused, methodical approach, your process of carrying out a plan based on your vision for the future.
many fulfilling career opportunities, such as a crime scene investigator or ---I think it is weak to say "such as xxxxx and YYYYY." It is stronger if you boldly state your intentions,your short term goals.
Your essay of 500 words should have 5 paragraphs. That is not a rule, but it is what I recommend because a good paragraph can be 100 words, and you have an opportunity here to write that powerful, classic five paragraph essay with intro, 3 body paragraphs, and conclusion.
:-)
