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A plethora of opportunities - Why Mount Holyoke Transfer Essay


trrordome 1 / -  
Apr 29, 2022   #1

Why Mount Holyoke?



Mount Holyoke, and its founder Mary Lyon, remind me of Lucille Ball: both pioneers, changemakers, and mavericks. The first female to head a major production company: the power a changemaker and maverick can impart continues to influence posterity. As Maty Lyon valued women's education and bolstering women, similarly, Lucille Ball would teach and mentor young female comedians. Mount Holyoke continues to embrace the shakers and the non-traditional.

I gravitated toward the field of sociology during my two years at Ocean County College since it provides countless ways of looking at society and the numerous avenues you can take with it and lenses you can view the whys and hows of human social relationships and institutions through because of its interdisciplinary nature. When I took Social Problems Fall 2020, it solidified my interest in sociology, especially since I was afforded the opportunity to do my research paper and a presentation on autism in girls (how it often goes undiagnosed and susceptibility to sexual explotiation). I could possibly perform more comprehensive research on it. Or through Mount Holyoke's C.A.U.S.E club, I could do a volunteer project with Autism Connections inolving their sexuality program.

One of my favorite aspects to learn about in history are social movements- especially the civil rights movement and the other movements (women, disability, lgbtq+ rights, etc.) it spurred and their interconnectedness and how inequalities surfaced in the 1960s-70s, which I got to explore when I took an America in the 60s class; Collective Behavior and Social Inequality taught by Professor Tucker would allow me to dive deeper into social movements prior and after the 60s. I could potentially do research with Professor Tucker on social movements such as Black Lives Matter and on his project that is exploring the role of women in creating an upper class culture in 19th Century New England.

I could take concepts I would learn in sociology classes and the intergroup dialogue courses and become a facilitator of discussions revolving around social justice issues through the Mozone Peer Education Program by participating. I hope to contribute to Moho's mission of fostering inclusivity and belonging and help others find resources to feel part of the community and celebrate their differences;. Discussions in sociology courses can be taken outside the classroom to talk about our identities and their intersections and our experiences to help strengthen community. This program is a great way for advocacy and social justice knowledge and critical thinking skills to grow and evolve.

I want to attend a college that emphasizes inclusion and belonging: these values are the hallmark of Mount Holyoke. The Neurodiverse Student Association would be an invaluable safe space and community for me and would provide me with the social and emotional support I am seeking. The AccessAbility fellow would act as guide and would help me adjust to Mount Holyoke. Upon finding my footing, I would hope to become an AccessAbility fellow myself to help incoming students feel like they can thrive.

Mount Holyoke offers its students a plethora of opportunities to act as changemakers and it would be a privilege to be a part of it.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,686 4117  
Apr 29, 2022   #2
The essay is really impressive once you get past the Lucille Ball reference. That aspect does not really connect well with the rest of the essay. While Ms. Ball was certainly a trailblazer, her influence upon you is not as strong as it should be. It would appear that she was only a hook used to interest the reviewer, and nothing more. Thus, her mention is irrelevant in the presentation.You can actually remove the early paragraph without affecting the later portion of the essay. I would opt to revise that part by choosing a more relevant role model. One that actually ties in with the reasons you have presented within the later presentation. You may also consider shortening the essay a bit because it tends to get a bit winded towards the end. The shorter and more impactful the presentation, the more memorable it will be for the reviewers.


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