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'plethora of times where I thought that I couldn't go any further' - UCF application, influences?


katherine97 1 / -  
Jan 7, 2015   #1
My family environment impacted my nature and personality by providing me with the confidence to succeed in an onerous environment. Through all of my parent's rough experiences, they have ingrained their work ethic into me as they taught me to never take anything for granted and to seize every possible opportunity to better myself. They have always striven for us to do better, to be better than them. There has been a plethora of times where I thought that I couldn't go any further, that I wasn't capable of being more or doing more. The constant effort that my parents put forth in me doing better, encouraging me to take rigorous classes, helping me study, and supporting me through everything ultimately made me the successful person I am today. I am in the top 15% of my class, my GPA is above average, and have played 4 years of volleyball. They are the reason why I am the young woman that I am.
ssaallaamm 5 / 8 3  
Jan 7, 2015   #2
My family environmentThe atmosphere in my family was XXX, so that it shaped/moldedimpacted my nature and personality in a way that I can confidently say that I fight hard to achieve my goals no matter howby providing me with the confidence to succeed in an onerous environmentthe situation is . Through all of the difficulties my parents have overcomerough experiences ,

I am in the top 15% of my class, my GPA is above average, and have played 4 years of volleyball. They are the reason why I am the young woman that I am.

You didn't talk about your successes and why you know yourself a successful person till this last sentence. I think you should state this earlier and listing these points one after another is not a good way for presenting your strong points, you should mention them more creatively. Maybe it is a good idea to say how the difficult situations you have experienced could help you to become successful in studies or sport. Talk about your motivations and the role of your parents more clearly.


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