There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today.
Does is drag on? Is my point made clear enough and do you get a real picture of me? How is the ending? I need help, please! All feedback is greatly appreciated!
E pluribus unum. It is a phrase so well associated with the American culture that it has made its way onto U.S. currency. However, though the phrase has passed through the hands of almost every American since the conclusion of the Revolutionary War, it is often long forgotten. For this reason, the accuracy "e pluribus unum" has in describing the student body of my high school makes it a rarity and model of American intent I have come to appreciate. More than most other aspects of my upbringing, the mentality and structure of my high school have greatly influenced me in becoming the college bound senior I am today. In my school, the bounds of culture and lifestyle do not separate the rich from the poor, the black from the white, or the religious from the atheists. It is when I am away from my hometown participating in various summer programs that I realize the difference in mentality between those people from Sayreville and those from elsewhere in the country and become cognizant of the influence my school has had on my individuality. In this environment in which diversity is encouraged, witnessing a group of friends of a variety of nationalities with wardrobes ranging from rags to riches is an accepted and expected sight. I round the corners of the hallways in hopes of seeing another example of the foundation on which America was built. The "out of many one" philosophy of my high school has inspired me to be the accepting person I am today, and as I near my graduation day, I await the diversity that lies ahead at Tufts that will serve as encouragement in my growth as a true American.
Just a few thoughts :)
I like your answer, interesting beginning drew me in. I would say it makes you seem intelligent and open to diversity.
The answer you give doesn't talk much about your family, home, neighbor, or community. Though, I suppose your school is your community in a way. Make sure you feel content that you've answered the question.
You're last sentence is seems sort of like a run on, but it looks easy to split up. Maybe:
The "out of many one" philosophy of my high school has inspired me to be the accepting person I am today. As I near...
Also, how long is the limit for the question?
It says 200 words and 2000 characters. I'm not exactly sure what to think of that, but this is 284 words and 1610 characters.
...it is often long forgotten.
Not forgotten, overlooked.
Trim down the unnecessary words:
E pluribus unum is a phrase so well-loved in associated with the American culture that...
:-)
