Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


The pocket of Little Armenia seems like a place of endless possibilities, but it is still a pocket.


EmelyMorales 4 / 12 3  
Dec 27, 2014   #1
The small Los Angeles pocket of Little Armenia is wedged between the lights of classic Hollywoodland and the streets of gun-infused Koreatown. Nothing is bad in my little pocket of mostly large Hispanic families in small apartments and friendly Armenians. I was never part of the horrors or glamor of the other pockets, but I knew there was more beyond my small and quiet one.

At John Marshall High School, a school in another pocket known as Silverlake, I am a part of the Magnet program which is driven to integrate students of different backgrounds. Unlike students in the other departments, I am used to being surrounded by students of other cultures. Also, throughout my high school career, I have taken many AP courses in Social Studies: European history, United States History, and Government. In addition, being that I am bilingual, I finished four years of Spanish in two years. This includes the AP Spanish exams in language and literature. These situations combined, I have been able to expose myself to an outside world to that of my small pocket. This has motivated me to want to pursue studies in political science or international relations; to learn more about how ours and other countries function. What I would also love to do is study abroad and learn more about different countries, their cultures and cuisines, their way of governing, and current issues. Being able to expand my education in this field would be able to make the whole world my pocket.

- I am having trouble thinking of ways to include USC programs and such. Should I mention one of the classes? Or something like that? I know that is what I really need, so if anyone can help with that? Ideas?

-And is my essay confusing? Does it make sense? Am I being a little cocky when I mention my past in Spanish? Thank you!
guyunemployed 2 / 2  
Dec 28, 2014   #2
For your first supplement, I think you should look into the specific programs and courses that USC offers and talk about how those would allow you to pursue your academic goals.

I think your second supplement is pretty solid.
daniellecurtis5 2 / 3  
Dec 30, 2014   #3
this is a really well written essay, especially considering you only have 250 words. However, based on articles about college essays ive read so far it seems as if you show instead of tell. Maybe try telling a story that highlights everything you've learned from this club rather than just listing that. Other than that it is really great! By the way I love your first paragraph, it really grabbed my attention. Maybe try to keep that style of writing throughout the entire piece. Good luck with the rest of your application!
ctam15555 3 / 4  
Dec 30, 2014   #4
your hook is a little bit confusing with all that about pockets
"I was never part of the horrors or glamor of the other pockets, but I knew there was more beyond my small and quiet one."

this line confused me and sounds a bit awkward, i think you should revise it or phrase it differently :)

furhtermore, you may be a little bit too cocky as colleges want humility in the essays

write about your accomplishments with all ur AP's in the section where the common app asks for ur extracurriculars and AP's
don't feel the need to brag about them in your essay as the point of your essay is not to show off, but to define who you are

you want to seem humble


Home / Undergraduate / The pocket of Little Armenia seems like a place of endless possibilities, but it is still a pocket.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳