Hello! This is my draft for my common app essay! Any feedback/ corrections arereally apreciated!! THANKS!
Topic of your choice:
Athletes are fond of detailing circumstances which served to motivate them to achieve their personal best; financial hardships, single-parent upbringing and dangerous, drug-filled environments. The motivation that these situations provide is compelling and comprehensible.
However, not all motivation is sparked by hardship. Sometimes motivation comes in the form of shock, surprise and ultimately fear. This was the source of my motivation to do well in school, provided to me by my mother at an early age. Let me explain.
My mom loves to read and subscribes to the Seussism, "The more that you read, the more things you know." Unfortunately, at the age of three, I didn't share her enthusiasm and declared my disdain for reading; proclaimed with all the conviction that could be mustered by a toddler. Mom was crestfallen. However, for me, the idea of tackling the "Road to Reading" Series was totally unappealing, especially when there were cartoons to watch.
One night, while walking to the bathroom, I heard music coming from my mother's room. I gently opened the door and stuck my head into her room. Mom was watching TV. As I peeked at the screen in front of her, I saw a woman, in what appeared to be a way too small bikini, wearing clear high-heel shoes, circling a pole and slowly dancing to music. Confused, I asked, "What is she doing?"
In truth, mom was watching an HBO documentary, "Dancing Divas," but the response I received was much more memorable. Mom pulled me close and said in her most "motherly" voice, "You see that girl dancing around the pole? She has dollars jammed in her butt and the men are laughing. Do you know why they are laughing?" I could definitely see men laughing and they had fists full of dollars - this could not be good. Not waiting for a response she continued, "Because she doesn't know how to read. When girls can't read, they end up dancing around a pole, because they don't know how to do anything else. Now she's sad." I could see the dancer's pouty red lips, mouth slightly ajar and knew that mom must be right.
What could be worse; being ridiculed for wearing a bikini too small to cover my butt or assaulted by dollar bills? Horrified, I quickly left the room and returned to bed. It was without a doubt my most scarring, yet most effective bedtime story.
The next morning mom announced that we were going to the library. As usual, I started to object until I recalled the image of the dancer. It became clear; I needed to get a book in my hand. "I want to read!" I screamed.
Today, I am viewed as a model student; perhaps I am. But then again, perhaps my motivation can only be attributed to the memory of a pole, six-inch heels and a few crumpled dollar bills aimlessly placed near a dancer's derrière; this reminds me that it's time to study.
First, I like your name ;). Regarding the essay - it's probably not appropriate to use the word 'butt' in a formal common app. Other than that, it is real and interesting to read.
