Any feedback will be greatly appreciated- I would be happy to read/edit your essay in return!
There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)
I've always lived in the South- born in Birmingham Alabama, and grew up in Knoxville Tennessee. School breaks and long weekends were most often spent in the Smokey Mountains, fostering a great love of the outdoors. Tennessee has it's own quirky character- while other kids went to Six Flags, or Disneyland, I rode the rides of Dollywood- the Dolly Parton theme park in tiny Pigeon Forge, TN, most of which revolved around creepy hillbilly puppets, or animatronic bears. Though my budding political views did not align with those of my classmates, I found a way to fit in- including convincing my third grade class to vote democratic in our mock-election, the first time that had happened in the history of Sequoyah elementary. In fourth grade I moved to Austin, Texas, and found a more like minded community- making John Kerry posters with my friends in middle school, and Obama t-shirts in high school. I discovered a love of tex-mex food, and live music. I joined my school's Speech and Debate team, (a little known fact about Texas, there is a fiercely competitive Debate circuit), and threw myself into the activity, enjoying statewide success. My entire senior year I spent in New Delhi, India which influenced me tremendously. I learned not only about a new culture, but began to look at the world in a different way, cyclically, and guided by dharma (fate). Today, I consider my self a combination of several identities, Texan and Appalachian, Indian and American. A global citizen.
I loved it.
you went above and beyond what they had asked, I loved the 'global citizen' ending.
try to introduce your political views a little bit deeper, since that is a vital element of your paragraph. Good luck!
Overall this is a great mini-essay! Just a few comments.
I joined my school's Speech and Debate team, (a little known fact about Texas, there is a fiercely competitive Debate circuit), and threw myself into the activity, enjoying statewide success.
Either go with the commas or the parenthesis. You don't need both. :)
My entire senior year I spent in New Delhi, India which influenced me tremendously.
Maybe try wording this differently. Such as, "My senior year was spent in New Delhi, India, which has influenced (my outlook on life?) me tremendously.
Great job!
