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"Politics and Sexuality" - Common Application


carnivorousgods 1 / 2 2  
Oct 5, 2014   #1
This is my personal statement for the Common Application. I'm hoping for some feedback on any grammar issues, and any places where it's stilted/awkward/weird. I've been looking at it for so long that I really need some objective opinions. Thank you in advance!

Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Thanksgiving, family dinner. The scene is set: two parallel lines of bowls and plates piled with mashed potatoes and casseroles, heaped with thick gravies and salted to high heaven. The turkey is cooling and rubbery on the stovetop, the juiciest parts picked clean. We don't eat at the table or on fine china for this holiday or any other, so my family-immediate and extended-is crowded in the kitchen, picking at the leftovers on their paper plates.

The conversation is usually stilted; I imagine that I'm a mathematician, and that my duty for the evening is to develop a formula to predict interactions. It's a linear function, because the independent variables (their questions to me) always produce the same result. Every year: Do you have a boyfriend now? No, I say back, like clockwork. I'm focusing on school. And then, oh, that's too bad. I don't comment on this, even when I'm aching to. Why aren't my academics as valued as my love life?

Even when we aren't talking about politicians, the Thanksgiving conversations are highly political. My family is mostly conservative, especially the extended bits that make the yearly pilgrimage to our house for Thanksgiving dinner. My uncles and cousins are a steady reminder of how little they think of me-this is less about their conservative politics and more about their ingrained misogyny. The endless return to how they value my relationships more than my beliefs, my academics, my reading list-any of the things I use to define myself. I'm not somebody's girlfriend or my father's daughter, but my own person first and foremost.

My politics and my beliefs are a reflection of myself. These aren't convictions I ascribe to without consideration. I have considered my options along the political spectrum. I have considered myself. I have a very strong sense of personal identity, and I believe that to be paramount in making any kind of decision-my choices reflect not only what I think, but who I am. I'm a woman and a feminist. I'm queer (and I use this here as the umbrella term for "not straight") and proud of it. I'm an autodidact. I value knowledge and its continued acquisition. I value understanding. I value the future.

My background-my self-identification as a feminist, as queer-isn't a convenient way to round out my college applications. It forms the foundation of the rest of my life, in the same way it's shaped my life up until now. The same consideration that once went into deciding how to label my political affiliations has gone into the decision to disclose this in my application. I'm still not sure if it's the right decision, but only time can tell that.

I don't want to stand around the kitchen on Thanksgiving anymore, watching my uncle pick at the macaroni salad and act like the glass ceiling is broken, or hearing my cousins talk about how nasty it is that there's a queer support group at their school. I'm tired of it.

But my future isn't going to be a series of Thanksgiving dinners, waiting for my family members to say something offensive. It won't be another year of picking at warm rolls while I pretend I can't hear derogatory comment after derogatory comment.

This Thanksgiving will mark the start of a piecewise function, or maybe a function that isn't really quantifiable at all. I won't be giving my usual answers-this year, I'm going to be fortified with the knowledge that a lot of this is temporary. I'm becoming a different person, but I'll always go back to this: I'm a feminist. I'm not straight. I can look someone in the eye and tell them that they're wrong. I can overcome the obstacles society sets for me. And this year, I will go to Thanksgiving dinner armed with my beliefs, and ready to speak up for them.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 5, 2014   #2
"Queer" as a word used to describe who you are just does not seem politically correct in a word of open acceptance, regardless of sexual orientation. While I understand it is the umbrella term used to represent lesbians, there is no reason for you to not use the actual term that describes your gender. to be truly proud and out, you should be able to use the term to describe yourself. So don't hide behind "queer", those who don't know that it is an umbrella term may just think of you as peculiar or strange. Which is what the traditional meaning of the word is. The LGBT community is accepted openly now, be proud and stand tall, even in an essay. Don't consider your family, the actual term is who you are and they should not be ashamed of that.

heaped with thick gravies and salted to high heaven.

- ... salted to the high heavens .

We don't eat at the table or on fine china for this holiday or any other, so my family-immediate and extended-is crowded in the kitchen, picking at the leftovers on their paper plates.

- What is the reasoning behind eating in the kitchen during holidays? That would help us better understand the culture and mindset that your family comes from and that you are trying to break out of.

No, I say back, like clockwork.

And then

-Their response,

I don't comment on this, even when I'm aching to.

- Why don't you stand up for yourself to your family?

I'm not somebody's girlfriend or my father's daughter, but my own person first and foremost.

I'm an autodidact

- Explain why you had to learn by reading books that were not used in school or recommended reading for your age. Autodidacts are fascinating self learners :-) Highlight it .

But my future isn't going to be a series of Thanksgiving dinners, waiting for my family members to say something offensive. It won't be another year of picking at warm rolls while I pretend I can't hear derogatory comment after derogatory comment.

- So, what do you see your future as becoming after emancipating from your family via college?
This is an essay that you obviously placed great thought into developing. I hope my suggestions and comments can help you make it even stronger :-)
OP carnivorousgods 1 / 2 2  
Oct 5, 2014   #3
Thanks so much for your feedback! I was a little uncertain about using "queer" in this context. It is actually the term I use to identify myself, but I really don't have the space to go into the ideology behind reclaiming slurs in this essay, haha. That's sort of a general issue I've been running into--this is actually exactly at the word limit, so any changes I make mean that something else has to go.

I'll definitely take your comments into consideration when I revise! This has given me some excellent points to expand on. Thanks again! :)


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