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Pomona Essay prompt: fun extracurricular event


leslery 3 / 8  
Dec 24, 2009   #1
Please give me some advice, I'm trying to make this personal, yet formal...

I know that the many activities that I have participated in throughout high school have changed my perspective. However, I believe that there are many just plain fun experiences in my life that have equally affected the person that I have become.

In fact, this example was definitely a turning point in my life. My friend Madison invited me and a couple of our friends to go and listen to a concert which featured Hellogoodbye. I had never been to a concert before and I was apprehensive about what would occur. I heard all the horror stories of fights, mosh pits and illicit activities that happen at concerts and scared would be an understatement of what I felt. Yet, by being continuously poked and prodded I decided to go. When my friends and I arrived, I thought that my fears had been confirmed because there was a very tight fit with people pushing and shoving each other to get to the front. However, when the bands started to set up and play live, I saw a different side to music. I never knew that listening to a band live was a completely different experience than just using iTunes. In fact, by the time the headlining band was starting their set I was jumping up and down and screaming along with everyone else. I felt a connection with the band that I had never felt before and soon after that I was addicted to concerts.

Not only did I have a great time during my first concert experience, but I also learned a valuable lesson. There are always different perspectives to every story. I had a wonderful time, and so did my friends, but I know that there are many others who would have been upset at painful squish of people surrounding the stage and the booming music. The fact that I listened to my friends when they encouraged me to go definitely depicted the fact that I have learned to embrace new experiences. I have definitely grown to take opportunities and try everything, even though I do not know if I will enjoy the experience or not. Perhaps my next fun experience might be something more exhilarating and interesting.

Le Chang

whitepolarbear 7 / 31  
Dec 24, 2009   #2
there are many just plain fun

should be "there are just as many plain"

I had a wonderful time, and so did my friends, but I know that there are many others who would have been upset at painful squish of people surrounding the stage and the booming music.

long long long long sentence. Cut it up.

"I have definitely grown to take opportunities and try everything"
awkward sentence

anyways, rock on Leslery!
kda013 6 / 18  
Dec 24, 2009   #3
very nice ;]
but i think this can be more interesting
if you change the first paragraph.
i think it should catch the reader's attention
with a short, witty sentence.

good luck! :]

oh btw Merry Christmas!
OP leslery 3 / 8  
Dec 24, 2009   #4
Okay thanks for the advice

I will try to change the first paragraph. Although I'm not that great at witty.

Merry Christmas as well!


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