1. Tell us about an activity that is important to you, and why.
I had been witness to images and stories conveying the poor environment in some parts of China, but until I actually experienced these conditions first hand, I was not touched by them. I joined a cultural exchange program organized by the China Candlelight Educational Fund in 2006. The fund is a non-profit dedicated to providing education for young people in the poverty-stricken mountainous regions of China. With this group, I visited an elementary school in the SiChuan province of China. The cultural exchange program let me to understand China's economic development and its educational system. Experiencing these different socioeconomic situations has convinced me that everybody is capable of giving back to society.
The school that I visited was very distant; a five hour long car ride along an old bumpy road was what it took after the plane landed. Having arrived at the school, I was shocked by what I saw. The situation was far worse that what the images on TV had insinuated. The school was dilapidated and appeared very fragile; the roof was covered with rotten wood. One of the things that upset me the most was talking to the children and learning that they walked a couple hours from their homes to school, and all in their bare feet. The wounds and mud on their feet prove their eagerness to study, and they treasure the opportunities to come to school. I gave the children some color pencils, and they said they had never owned any stationery before, even simply a pencil. I could discern their earnestness from the looks on their faces, as they all smiled at me wholeheartedly and were very cheerful. Their reactions made me and happy and melted my heart. They made me confident and blissful. Until now, I still remember the smiling faces of the children after they received the color pencils, and I think I would never forget it.
Having seen what simple things it takes, and how easy is it to make the children in China feel satisfied and happy makes me believe that everyone has the power and ability to help others and give back to society. The fact that their smiles made me feel strong has also enforced my view that it is better to give than to receive.
Does my paragraph answer the prompt?
Sort of. You need to focus more on the cultural exchange program aspect. That, after all, is the activity you are supposed to be talking about. At the moment, you could be describing a vacation to China in which you ventured out into the countryside. Presumably, though, the exchange program meant a longer stay than that. So, you might want to start by mentioning the exchange program in your first sentence, explain what the program was exactly and why you signed up for it. Then you can talk about how it changed you, using the trip to the elementary school as a specific example to demonstrate your points.
EF_Sean, thanks for your quick response
I actually have written an essay about the cultural exchange experience, but I think it is might be too long for the short answer
Can you give me some idea on how to shorten it, and make it more focus in answering the prompt. thank you so much
You could eliminate the first sentence in your essay entirely.
Beyond that, a good way to shorten an essay while making it stronger is to eliminate an over-reliance on forms of "to be." So, for instance:
"The school that I visited was very distant; a five hour long car ride along an old bumpy road was what it took after the plane landed. Having arrived at the school, I was shocked by what I saw. The situation was far worse that what the images on TV had insinuated. The school was dilapidated and appeared very fragile; the roof was covered with rotten wood. One of the things that upset me the most was talking to the children"
could be rewritten as
"After a five hour long car ride along an old bumpy road, I arrived at the school, where I could do little but stare in shocked horror. The dilapidated school appeared on the brink of collapse with its roof made of rotten wood and the steps up to the front door missing planks. An overwhelming stench arose from the outhouses behind it. Talking to the children upset me profoundly . . ."
Notice that the revised version is not only nine words shorter, but also contains two more specific details that you didn't include the original. Thus, the revised version paints a more vivid picture of the school by saying more, even though it uses fewer words.
If you find that word count is not an issue and if you really like that first sentence, it might be a god idea to switch the order of the first two sentences... so that it starts with a brief sentence before overwhelming the reader with the long one.
I think you do answer the prompt directly; this is obviously an activity that has been meaningful to you.
