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'From the poor slums of Mumbai to America' - Brown application...


srirams 2 / 6  
Dec 7, 2008   #1
What is an academic experience, project, class or book that has influenced or inspired you?

Here's my essay:

Since I was about four years old, I have been intrigued by doctors and have always wondered, "What do I have to do to become such a great person?" I used to often visit my uncle, who is a radiologist at a hospital and every time I visited him, someone would be thanking him. From then on, I had decided that I wanted to become a doctor too. Although this may seem a child's dream, I was dedicated to following the dream through. However, reality stopped me in my tracks.

After my mother's death, my family's economic status started dropping. We never had a lot of money to begin with but, we had enough to survive. But, at that time, we were all suffering. There was no time for me to be selfish and demand books so I could study and become a doctor. Then, my father got a new job, in Singapore. This was the opportunity we had been looking for to get out of our depression and for me to continue my studies.

In Singapore, I found my promised land. In the school that I attended, they had various after school activities and programs. One program was especially interesting to me: The Quill. This was a newspaper that students created to help inform other students about anything that was interesting in the world. I found out that there was a section for medicine and became ecstatic beyond belief. Thereafter, everyday, I would go to the library and do some research on different types of diseases or new medicine. I dedicated my first article to the disease my grandfather had: Parkinson's. All the articles that I wrote for The Quill inspired me to continue studying and reaching for the sky.

Then, it seemed that luck was on my side. My dad was asked to transfer to America for another job. The United States of America, also known as the land of opportunity. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that I would go from being in the poor slums of Mumbai to the beautiful city of Denville in New Jersey, USA. Unlike most immigrants, the first thing I did was visit the library. I will never forget the illuminated room and the feeling of excitement. It was the first time I had the freedom to read whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Most people take advantage of the luxuries they have in life but all I wanted to do at that time was to delve in the world of medicine and increase my knowledge.

Over the six years that I have lived in America, my wish to become a doctor has only increased and hopefully I will be successful in completing that dream. I continue to interact with my teachers at school as well as doctors at the hospital to learn more about medicine and the lives of doctors. However, I know that I will never forget my teachers and friends in Singapore who helped me take a step forward toward my dream and keep my hopes up. Without that one experience, I doubt I would have had the strength to continue with my dreams.

ummm...i tend to go off topic sometimes or sound awkward or just wrong so plz dont refrain from criticizing my work. Also, i tend to forget words in my train of thought.

Thank you! I really appreciate someone spending time reading my essay.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 7, 2008   #2
Since I was about four years old, I have been intrigued by doctors and have always wondered, "What do I have to do to become such a great person?" I used to often visit my uncle, who is a radiologist at a hospital, and every time I visited him someone would be thanking him.

After my mother's death, my family's economic status started dropping. We never had a lot of money to begin with, but we had enough to survive. Still , at that time, we were all suffering. There was no time for me to be selfish and demand books so I could study and become a doctor.

I think you should add a sentence to the beginning.. a sentence that clearly names the academic experience that you are going to describe. You can use this essay for it, but tie the story in with an ACADEMIC experience.
OP srirams 2 / 6  
Dec 7, 2008   #3
should I mention the Quill in the beginning as my academic experience?

Also, i was wondering if the essays need titles? I see everyone else with titles but i did not know we had to have them...
udarshen - / 1  
Dec 8, 2008   #4
I do not think your story is any one of a academic experience, project, class or book?
So, you may digressed
pandora 6 / 19  
Dec 22, 2008   #5
its missing something
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 23, 2008   #6
Well, it is true that the "experience" you are describing is not clearly pinpointed. Add one sentence to the beginning -- a sentence that pinpoints the experience that you are writing about in response to the prompt.

As for titles, ALWAYS give it a title if you can. A title is the first thought you give the reader, and it is powerful. What tile would capture the meaning of this essay -- while also capturing the reader's attention?


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