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'K-Pop music is my favorite musical genre' - Transfer UC Prompt 2

MEM4FP 4 / 3  
Nov 24, 2011   #1
Hey, guys! I was wondering if you guys can help me edit my essay for the UC application. Any opinions, comments, concerns is deeply appreciated. Thanks!

PROMPT: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

K-Pop music is my favorite musical genre of all time. The Korean language may be perplexing to me, but the style and rhythm of the music is what I adore. Usually I hum to a music that I like, and eventually that distorted sound converts into live singing, which is the talent that I am fond of. I have experienced this every time I listen to one of my favorite songs, and honestly, I sang horribly back then. What motivated me to start singing was that I wanted my voice to turn into something heavenly, like the other artists. Deep down, I knew that I can become like them, as a professional-amateur singer. But in order to classify myself at this rank, dedication, patience, and practice are needed. Like education, this talent has taught me the phrase "practice makes perfect" into a life lesson and to never give up.

I lacked vocal training, and the only tools that I relied on were my own ears and the method of trial-and-error. I watched numerous YouTube videos of professional singers performing their songs, and I tried to mimic their styles and voices. It was not an easy task. My voice was nowhere near theirs, had no rhythm, and it cracked every time I sang high notes. The past couple of years have been a challenge for me, and I honestly wanted to give up.

After years of playing piano, I remembered what my piano teacher said to me. "Keep practicing. Practice does make perfect," she said. Her training had drilled into me for years that I felt compelled to keep going. I kept practicing my voice rigorously until I finally sang my favorite song perfectly, at the cost of a sore throat. When I was practicing, I noticed that the nature of my voice began to change and it started to match up with the singer's tone. I sang my first song in perfect tune and it brought me joy every time I sing a song. That is when I realized that things have to get worse in order to get better, and practicing is the key.

My problem is that I never took dedication seriously and I gave up at the first sign of struggle. Practicing helped me in the long run. Sure, it took some time, but getting from square one to success is worth it. Even today, I look back at this experience that I should keep practicing and never give up, whether it is in academics or other talents that I wish to pursue. I learned the hard way that in order to succeed in life, is to have the dedication to a challenge when it is presented. Nothing is easy in this world, and we have to strive in order to succeed. Once I enter college, I know never to give up and to continue practicing, because practice does make perfect!

Keerthika2014 2 / 5  
Nov 24, 2011   #2
You need to check some of you grammar. Try reading it again and you will catch it.
Ellis - / 10  
Nov 24, 2011   #3
I agree with Keerthika2014.

There are far too many grammatical mistakes; check your tenses.

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