"Post high school options" - UT Personal Essay

**The prompt is to choose an issue of importance to you (personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope) and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.**

We have all heard the expression "a mind is a terrible thing to waste", but what if in your efforts, something equally as valuable is wasted: time. While some say that college isn't right for everybody, I say that it might not be right for everybody at the same time. Regardless of direction, students are being pressured in certain directions after high school that may not be the best path for them. My experience following high school has introduced me to a wide variety of people who have chosen many different paths. Some have taken the road through college, others joined the Military, and a few went straight to work. While each of their paths are unique, they can all agree that they were presented with few options upon leaving high school.

I agree that a high school's main focus should be to prepare students for college, but it should also be to prepare them for life. I feel the best way to prepare a student would be to accurately inform them of options, while taking into consideration their unique circumstances. A common concern would be that if someone doesn't go to college directly after high school, then they are less likely to attend college at all. I think that the students who attempt college when they lack the motivation, are discouraged by their failure, and are even less likely to return to college.

Evidence can be seen in the increasing college dropout rates. Currently, thirty percent of students leave within their first year and fifty percent never graduate at all. Texas Commissioner of Higher Education, Raymund Paredes, states that one major reason students drop out of college is because they weren't ready in the first place. However, Paredes is not the only one questioning college readiness of high school graduates. "It's a nationwide problem . . . We probably have right now in this state a lot of people in college who are not prepared for college," University of Georgia President Michael Adams told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution (June 3, 2010).

If better presented with an option that would help guide them to a place, whether it be the workforce, military, or some other life experience where they would potentially find the direction needed to help them succeed throughout college, I think there would be an inundation of students who would return and accomplish more than they thought possible. Furthermore, the students who decide not to attend college directly after high school could be offered a plan that would help guide them to eventually return. Offering a system that would help organize goals and assist them in finding their motivation would be a pivotal part of their return to college, because with the right motivation, accomplishment can be immeasurable.

Even many of those who finished college immediately after high school confess that if they had taken the time to find their true direction, they would have not only achieved much more during their college career, but would be able to utilize their degree in a way they haven't managed to so far; and even be a better candidate to apply for their Masters Degree. Some students have been known to go back for a second and even a third Bachelors Degree after finding their true direction after college.

My first experience with college was no different than many others lacking motivation. Faced with many challenges of life, coupled with unimpressive grades in class, I was left with little option other than to join the fifty percent of college dropouts. Over time, my job offered me a first hand look into the economics involved in modern day business. It helped familiarize me with the inner-workings of a professional setting and exposed me to the importance and benefits of furthering my education. My time teaching English abroad brought me back into a school setting and showed me how much I could accomplish. Ultimately, it guided me to find the direction and motivation that I needed to successfully return to college. It's these experiences, I feel, that many people require before immersing themselves in college.

The bold part is a little bit awkwardly phrase.



Students who attend college, lacking in motivation, are quickly discouraged by their failure; many of these students will drop out, less likely to return to college.

Something like that


This is not a research paper so you don't really have to mention the such specific source. If there's a word limit, eliminating those will alleviate the word counts as well as make your essay sound less rigid.

Beside, this essay is about the topic YOU care about, so you don't have to quote those statements like a newspaper stories; if you do want to quote them, you should only use 1 of the quote since they're both talking about the same thing. I believe it's best to incorporate the stuff that wasn't crossed out into your second paragraph.


This sentence is really long and wordy. Split up the info. into shorter sentences. Since you needed so many commas, I was getting lost reading the sentence and had to re-read twice.

I like this topic because you can really relate to personally to it. Your issue is so important, yet often overlooked many time. If I was an adcom, I'd be really impress with the depth of your thinking and your awareness to the issues affecting not only yourself but also millions other youth; however, I think you need to work on a little bit of flow and structure to polish your essay.

Good luck :D

Look at mine and return the favor! Thanks