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Potential to be a leader- CASE WESTERN PROMPT

blackpool 1 / -  
Jan 8, 2019   #1
Please feel free to comment on my essays and my mistakes.

Describe your potential to be a leader

How do you envision yourself making a difference in the world? (500 word limit)

"Samir, you are the captain of this team", my coach declared. While my teammates clapped upon hearing the announcement, I wasn't sure what to make out of it. I was the youngest among my team members, but I had to lead the team on a week-long archery competition that was going to be held about 205 km away from where we were standing.

Since my teammates were in full agreement with the decision, I accepted the opportunity. This was the first time when I realized that I truly had leadership qualities in me. Over the years, I have been fortunate to be involved in several other positions where I was able to demonstrate my leadership skills.

No matter if it's being a class monitor or a president of a club, the experiences made me realize several qualities that are evident in all kinds of leaders. I believe that the most important thing in a leader is to have strong communication skills. Thus, I always try to get my point across my teammates and do not hesitate to share my opinions in a positive way. I acknowledge my weaknesses and try my best to work on it. I also try to incorporate the opinions of my teammates as much as I can. It is true that a leader must be able to make the right call in many difficult situations, but I am also well aware that a leader is not a dictator. The spirit of a team is high only when every voice of the teammates are considered before making that crucial decision. To be able to recognize the strength of each team members is another thing that a leader should focus on. The combined individual strengths truly make up a matchless team.

Most of the people fall for the myth that creating an impact means to start out big. They worry so much about the results that they barely put the necessary efforts that are required for a task. As a leader, I want to change this mentality of people. I want to make them believe that all it takes to create a better world is to believe in what you want to achieve in your life. We all have different dreams and ambitions and mostly we are discouraged by others up to the point where we feel as if we are destined to fail. Thus, to be able to inspire all those who feel that they are destined to fail and who think that they do not have the means to stand up and risk failure, is how I envision myself making a difference to the world.
StevenSameh1512 8 / 21  
Jan 8, 2019   #2
This essay is well-written and the reasons you gave of how to envision yourself making difference is direct and obvious. I just noticed some grammatical mistakes you should take care about.

"The spirit of ... are considered" The verb be must agree in number and person with its subject every voice. so it should be "is" instead of "are"

"... strength of each team members" To match the format of its nominal group, this noun should be in the singular form. So it should be "member" not "members"

Over all, this essay is good from my perspective. I hope this help.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,857 4179  
Jan 9, 2019   #3
You are not directing a response to the prompt at all. You are being asked to envision yourself as a future leader. As a future leader who will bring changes to the world. So the proper approach to this essay would be to acknowledge that you have specific leadership abilities which have influenced your belief that you can make changes to the world in the future. Nobody cares about the competition and the team members supporting your being assigned as a leader. Not unless that experience opened your eyes to not only your leadership abilities, but also to the problems of the world and a specific problem that you believe you can help to resolve in the future. Then discuss how you see yourself solving the problem using a group based solution. That is the best way to approach this essay. That discussion method will allow you to portray your concerns and highlight your leadership skills in the process of developing the solution to the situation.
StevenSameh1512 8 / 21  
Jan 14, 2019   #4
I am sorry for the above message, it happened accidentally.

This was the first time when I: It may be unclear who or what This refers to. Consider rewriting the sentence to remove the unclear reference.

I truly had leadership: The word truly is often overused. use genuinely.
No matter if it's being a class monitor: t appears that the progressive tense verb 's being is used incorrectly. Consider changing it to the simple tense: it's.

I believe that the most important: The word important is often overused. Consider using a more specific synonym to improve the sharpness of your writing like essential and critical.

my opinions in a positive way: The phrase in a positive way may be considered wordy. Consider changing the wording. like "positively"
opinions of my teammates: The word opinions appears repeatedly in this text. Consider using a synonym in its place. "views"
to start out big: It appears that start out creates a tautology. Consider removing it.
dreams and ambitions and mostly: It appears that you are missing a comma before the coordinating conjunction and in a compound sentence. Consider adding a comma.

inspire all those who feel: The word feel appears repeatedly in this text. Consider using a synonym in its place."think"
that they are destined to fail and: The word destined appears repeatedly in this text. Consider using a synonym in its place. "doomed or intended"

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