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'Poverty in America and volunteering' - CommonApp Personal Essay Revision

manny12 1 / -  
Oct 23, 2011   #1
[The Poverty Quandary]

[Must be between 250 - 500 words]
This is: 561 words.

Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

It's been widely discussed how poverty in America seems to be on a drastic and never-ending rise with no concrete solution in sight. And for the most part, this is a true statement. Poverty in this country has increased to staggering levels and continues to do so as time goes on. America has reached a climax as to how much it can withstand as far as the rate of unemployment and poverty are concerned. With the country reaching a peak unemployment rate of 10.6% in January of 2010, the highest since January of 1990, poverty is a reality that needs to be dealt with. I believe that where America stands, in context of poverty and unemployment, is intolerable. The actions and approaches that we are taking as Americans towards the subject matter isn't what it could be. Our voices aren't being heard loud and clear and our steps toward solving this issue aren't persuasive and demanding enough. I believe creation of jobs by small businesses should be encouraged, along with the implementation of programs that will help get the homeless off the streets and into safe and secure environments with the opportunity of gainful employment is of utmost importance to me and should be to the citizens of this powerful country we call the United States of America.

A day never goes by without seeing some representation of homelessness whether it's a used mattress lying in the grass under a bridge or a man or woman standing by the side of the street begging for a some money for food. This certainly dives deep into my consciousness as to what I should do personally as an individual and what America should do as a country in order to find an answer to this problem. Being a country of great opportunity to those who ever may visit or reside, America should not have an unemployment rate as high it did back in January of last year. It's important that as Americans we should look for many different ways in providing a working environment with adequate food, water, security, and shelter alongside to those in need.

The sole fact that there are people in this country and around the world who are far less privileged and fortunate than us should foster a concerned mind toward this subject matter. The "bell" of our conscience should "go off" causing us to realize that what we have before us is a serious issue that should not by no means be taken lightly.

This is why volunteering is such an important factor in finding a solution to this dilemma. For me, I volunteer with an organization known as Mission Arlington/Mission Metroplex, which was founded in 1990 by Tillie Burgen. Mission Arlington/Mission Metroplex is a place where provision of household items such as mattresses, bed sheets, pillows, food and anything that can provide and sustain comfort for the homeless is supplied. This is just an integral part of fixing the problem, I know there is still a long road ahead and that the journey will be far from easy, but if we develop as a community and then as a country to work together to solve this poverty quandary, our discussion of the topic will be seldom and the issue will be resolved to a much greater extent. This is why poverty is of utmost importance to me.
daniel44992 13 / 29  
Oct 24, 2011   #2
Let me just say, this is the first time I have actually seen someone write from this prompt. As far as I was concerned, most people avoid it like the plague, but you did a good job with it. Because I haven't really seen others, I have nothing to judge it by but it seems to me like a good essay dealing with an important issue. It sounds a bit like a political speech, which might be what they want, but if there is a way to make it a little more casual sounding, that might make it flow better. Of, and take the quotations away from around "bell" and "go off". You're making a metaphor so there is no need for them.

Good Luck!

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