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Poverty and lack of education in Kosovo - personal, local, international concern


mjellma 6 / 26  
Dec 27, 2009   #1
Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

Kosovo, a tiny dot in any geographical map is the country I come from. As the newest country in the world, one that has gotten its independence in 2008, it has an astonishing history and culture which can be traced back for thousands of years. However, the recent war in 1999 has reflected devastating damage to its economy and population. Even today when ten years have passed the marks of the destructive war can still be seen on the faces of more than 1.4 million unemployed people, more than half of Kosovo's whole population.

It was a rainy afternoon. A timid voice I struggled to understand came from the shadow. "Help, please!" it said. From closer up I could see a mud covered face, where a pair of tiny eyes told a story of their own. Agony and misery was what they reflected, accompanied by the knowledge only a cruel life can teach. A tormented soul forced to survive in this hell called Earth lived in the body of the abandoned child. She looked broken; laying sprawled in the cold cement, with no one there to protect her, nothing to shield her from what no child should face. She kept repeating those agonizing words, kept asking for help from a world that had shown her nothing but indifference.

That child is not the only one undergoing what no being should suffer. The streets are filled with mothers holding quivering innocent babies, mothers who know there is no salvation for them, but continue to live with hope of a brighter future for their offspring. Poverty has spread over Kosovo, suppressing any hope there is to thrive.

In a country where developing academically is the obvious solution to poverty, few things are being done to ensure progress. It is becoming increasingly harder for new generations to get proper education, thereby lowering the chances for future development. Even though Kosovo has many gifted students, the financial crisis that has engulfed it becomes the barrier which imprisons them, forcing their survival instincts to shut down any academic aspiration they have. It is lamentable to see potential for greatness fade because of financial struggles and lack of proper education.

However, not all is doomed. Albanians are known for their will to survive, as proved by the continuous 600 years of struggle to surpass assimilation. New gifted generations are returning from abroad, enlightened with new ideas, solutions to many of Kosovo's problems. They are the bastion of a brighter future - I can say future because the hope this youth represents is what keeps so many people alive, what keeps them waking too face another day. By protecting Kosovo, my ancestors provided us with arable soil. All that is needed now is for us to shine, part the storms and show ourselves, our potential, and give Kosovo the light it needs to blossom.

The drive to contribute towards my country's development has been my greatest motivation. The need to shine myself; to be one of those heartening rays has made me seek greatness, for I am human and it is in my nature to do humane things.

its abuot 520 words now! does anyone know if this is enough about the common application essay.

It is not yet finished, but plz comment on the material I have written!!!
Have I overdone it, and is it still understandeble?
Comment please, I beg you!!!!
poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 27, 2009   #2
which can be traded back for thousands of years
i think you mean "traced" instead of "traded"

However, the recent war in 1999 has reflected devastatingly to its economy and population. Even today when 10 years have passed the marks of the destructive war can be seen on the faces of more than 1.4 million unemployed people, a 50% of the whole population . - that make up 50% of the whole population or simply, half of the whole population

Pain does not begin to cover it, agony and misery was what they reflected. There was knowledge of a cruel life, and signs of more experience than even adults have.

Poverty has spread over Kosovo, changing people form the human beings to creatures who strive to survive.

In a place where developing academically country instead of place should sound better

It is a lamentable to see potential instead of "a lamentable" should be "terrible" or some synonym of that

I think that is all about editing. About content, im afraid to say you have overdone it a little bit. I mean, of course you know much better than me, but, seeing as an outer person (as the adcom who will read this essay is) I want to find more hope and optimism. Of course, im not saying that you should portray things as beautiful or in progress. Just dont emphasize too much on black, if you know what i mean. You especially have to cut a lot the second paragraph, i think its too long and emotional.

Hope I helped and ill be happy to read the completed and revised essay.

Could you take a look at my essay titled "music and sports" if you can? :)
OP mjellma 6 / 26  
Dec 27, 2009   #3
thank you very much... for everything.
It was my first draft anyway, and it totally needs polishing. Even though you really helped. THNX.

I'll check your essay righ now.
luminousx 3 / 32  
Dec 27, 2009   #4
Kosovo, a tiny dot in any geographical map, is the country I come from. As the newest country in the world, one that has gotten its independence in 2008, it has an astonishing history and culture which can be traced back forto thousands of years.

Even today when ten years have passed, the marks of the destructive war can still be seen on the faces of more than 1.4 million unemployed people, more than half of Kosovo's whole population.

Agony and misery were what they reflected, accompanied by the knowledge only a cruel life can teach.
She looked broken; laying sprawled in the cold cement, with no one there to protect her, and nothing to shield her from what no child should face.

The drive to contribute towards my country's development has been my greatest motivation. The need to shine myself; to be one of those heartening rays has made me seek greatness, for I am human and it is in my nature to do humane things.

DEFINITELY elaborate on that, because I don't think the essay reflect much on your personality. There are many facts about Kosovo, but not about you.

They say the common app essay should be around 500 words, so I think 520 is good. Although since you should add more, you should probably deleted some facts.


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