The most powerful thing you can do is make someone think what you think.
More than anything, I wish this application was a conversation. Because in the real world, which ironically we are preparing for, you cannot sit down at a computer and rewrite and edit what you are going to say until you believe it speaks for you. The most powerful thing you can do is make others think what you think. Every war, every argument, every fight, starts from one single thing- a disagreement. What some cannot settle with their words, they settle with their fists. It's not a story or an event that makes me stand out against the crowd, it's a mindset. When we write things rather than say them, we lose so many advantages. Anything you can write down, you can say better. Now, I have trouble organizing my thoughts. There is so much to say and my brain refuses to take a second to rest. In a speech, would that not tell you more about me, about what goes through my mind, than in an essay I can think about and crumple up if I don't like it. I can stutter and you will only understand me better. My voice can shake and my words can tremble. I can blurt out such a long sentence about the things I love and the things I hate, I can share with you my brilliant opinions about the world or I can roll off into a tangent exploring the universe and its magnificent mysteries and then after I may pause for a quick breath, but just quick enough to not lose my train of thought in drawing you in until you are at the very edge, the very last inch of your seat and maybe, just maybe, I would reveal to you a secret or two. Or maybe, I wouldn't say a single word. I can throw my hands around or keep them glued to my sides. Whether it's the water building up in my eyes or the clenching of my fists accompanied most dearly with a reddening face, each little thing about my body language speaks louder than my words ever could. There is so much power in the way you can make people feel and think with something so simple as the way you come across to them, the way your presence makes them feel, the things you say that open their eyes just a tiny bit wider. When you talk to someone, you get one shot. And one is enough. Because you don't say things you don't mean, there is always truth in your words.
nassimnina, it would really help if you provided the essay prompt so that we can get a better idea of what the paper is about and in the process, analyze how you answer is suited or not to the requirements posed. As of now, the essay is running in one of two modes. confused or spinning its wheels with pointless redundancies. Your arguments run from points of view to an analysis of other opinions without really telling the reader what the whole purpose of writing this paper is. That is why the essence of the paper seems quite confused and pointless at the moment. Providing us with the essay prompt will help us to guide you towards developing your current answers in line with the expectations of the essay prompt. At this point, it will really not serve a purpose to criticize your grammar and punctuation problems. Once the essence of your response is not clear, it fails to answer the prompt and thus, does not serve the purpose it was meant to in your application. We will be able to offer you a better review of your paper once we are clear on the prompt expectations so we hope you can upload it soon :-)
