Can you feedback on my short essay? Thanks a lot!
Wesleyan President Michael Roth believes a liberal arts education is a pragmatic choice in these times.
In what way do you see a liberal arts education having practical value?
Working in the business environment right after high school brought to me a different perspective of college education. Being in between the colleagues who are older than me, I always wonder: "How can I still be equal to them although I've not attended college?", "What is the difference between me and people who all have a college degree?". Later I realized that the difference doesn't exist so much because I could catch up with their information and procedures in a short time. It is impractical to spend the next 4 years in college to learn the available procedures and then return to what I've already done. What I truly expect from a college education includes the opportunities to explore my choices and criticize knowledge. Liberal Art Education encourages me to do different things, and Wesleyan has stimulated me to combine Theater and Neuroscience majors. How to make people interested in my plays? How to trigger the emotions of audiences? What is happening in their brains when seeing the performance? Those questions lead me to two different majors, one in art and the other in science, to solve the biggest human inquiry: Who are we? What is called human?
My time at college should be a journey of exploring, building my fullest characteristics, and sharpening my worldviews through thousands of experiences. The practical values of Liberal Education lied in the freedom of choices and the ability it cultivates in me to utilize that freedom.
In your place, I will split the first paragraph into two separate to make it easier to perceive. I also think that you should mention applications of your BA to some jobs, how it would help you do that job better, for example, to the job you mentioned in the beginning, or about opportunities which BA will open you. It will help you more fully connect your text to the question about the practical value and skills because questions you are talking about like Who we are? are pretty abstract
You mentioned working in the business which just disappeared in thin air. You made no reference to and skipped straight to your majors which are Neuroscience and Theater. Make some connection between your majors and your business experience, in that way you are going to have a more effective presentation of your essay. Unless I got it wrong as to why you have included the business part at the beginning of the essay.
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Your response does not fit the prompt. The last paragraph should be the overall basis of your expanded response. The question being asked is about how a liberal arts degree has practical value. So there is no sense in discussing your background and epiphany that does not relate to the question. You obviously need help in responding to this because you failed to realize that your second paragraph is what actually carries the relevant response, although you failed to build up on that presentation. Delete your first paragraph. Work on expanding the last paragraph as your response instead. The practical value should apply based on how you see yourself getting the relevant education and applying it to both your personal and professional life. Think of it this way, "How will the liberal arts course help you become a better person?" There lies the practical value of the course.