GIVE US AN EXAMPLE OF HOW THE PANDEMIC HAS CHANGED YOUR INVOLVEMENT IN THE COMMUNITY OR GROUP MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU?
WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED FROM THIS EXPERIENCE?
The COVID-19 pandemic took away many activities we previously took for granted. Pre-pandemic, I was heavily involved with volunteer work at retirement homes and hospitals where I led a group of musicians in bringing music to those who were less fortunate. I was also given the opportunity to exercise my leadership skills. At one of our performances, I distinctly remember a frail old man. He told me about his chronic disease and how he was alone in the hospital. He rarely received visits from his son because of his busy occupation. He told us that he looked forward to our weekly performances because everyone in the hospital were strangers to him, and we were the only few that he could interact with comfortably. However, this all changed when the pandemic increased in severity and restrictions were placed. The ability to perform live was taken away from us and everything moved online to Zoom. The atmosphere previously created by the audience was not present and it felt like we were playing in front of a wall. Interactions with the audience, such as those with the old man, were impossible. Although I look forward to new experiences, I disliked this one. The pandemic taught me to cherish the little moments in life because they can be taken away from you in an instant. I previously brushed aside the fun in live performances and engaging with the audience until everything shifted online. I began to feel a yearning for the pre-pandemic days.
Hoping y'all can give me some advice on my essay
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,303 3989
Good discussion but imbalanced reference. You saw the pandemic as a full negative to your existence as a musician. There was no positive to it as far as you were concerned because it is not what you were used to. While you should present what negative you learned from the experience, you should also, find something positive to discuss about your experience. For example, you can explain how your band was able to create a better sound through your Zoom rehearsals, the ability to reach more elderly during the pandemic because of the easier to schedule Zoom performances for small crowds, you can even reference a more interactive feel during your performance or how the audience reaction was different in the sense that it was more positive to your performances, maybe even how you engaged with the audience more. Anything positive you can discuss will bring a better balance to the negative side that you presented. Do not view the pandemic as a negative only. Close with either an impartial or positive reference.
Apart from Holt's suggestions, I would recommend using some connecting words between the sentences to add rhythm like: "In addition, Further, Thus" etc. Moreover, you mention that you could "exercise my leadership skills", try to give an example of that or link it more with your musical performances.