"The Prelude": Yale Supplement Essay, along with a few others

Hi! I have major issues with conclusions, and this essay is due tonight, so if anyone could help me out or give me tips, it would be really great! Thanks!

The prompt is basically tell something about yourself.
500 word limit, but this is 402

I have been haunted and taunted for almost a year. Sixteenth notes have appeared in nightmares while my twelve year old self was sleeping. The musical work that has caused me strife was the Prelude of Johann Sebastian Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 in G major.

As a cellist, I have only played for two years before I have decided to attempt to learn the Cello Suite. One sharp, an endless amount of sixteenth notes, and two and a half minutes of moving between strings with my bow have never seemed so intimidating. Although my instructor told me it would be best to just put that piece on the side until I was more experienced, I started to work for it.

It was definitely a giant leap, but I spent nonstop learning the piece. I analyzed every accidental, fermata, and tie throughout the piece to the point that when I closed my eyes I could only see sheet music. During classes, the pencil in my hand would hit my desk like a metronome while I hummed the Prelude in my head. While doing homework, my pen turned into a cello bow as I practiced the movement in my right arm before pulling out my cello.

Ten months later, after two of those being spent during my summer break, I was able to perfect the piece. Once my bow hit the string, I played with all my heart while the sweet music filled the air. The cello became a part of me as the song progressed. When the piece neared the end, I finished with a flourish, and took a deep breath of relief.

The piece consumed all my free time, and it soon consumed me. It became the first colossal commitment for me. From then on, I have always put as much time and effort as possible in everything I do. I took a lot of pride in being able to work hard and consistently toward a flawless performance, especially a difficult piece like this one. Although I had spent many sleepless nights thinking about the Prelude, I still was able to execute the piece with confidence, which had demonstrated my worth. It was from that passionate commitment that I have spent time and effort in all I do. Even if it takes ten months to perform a work less than three minutes long, it is worth it if it is perfect.

Also, I have the Common App activity (150 words or less):
To save room on the forum, I'll post my common app activity here (150 words or less)

Musicians are in the pit running scales, actors are backstage memorizing their lines at the last minute, and stagehands are moving around the New York skyline for my high school's production of "42nd Street". Me? I'm a chorus member, but I'm also a stagehand, program designer, and assistant. In other words, I am the person that makes sure the production runs smoothly from rehearsals to Showtime. From setting up the orchestra in the pit, to finding actors before their cues; from distributing programs, to moving sets around, the performances are something I take a big part in. The last two years have been spent as a member of my school's Concert Glee and Performing Arts Club, and it has never been more enjoyable and enriching. The hustle and bustle of the stage life at every production makes me feel alive, as if all the world's a stage.

(150/150)

I'm so sorry I did not respond in time to help before the deadline. It is nice that Arvind was here.

I think you do not have to worry too much about these conclusions, because they certainly reflect thoughtfulness and intelligence. Maybe this sentence is a little clunky: