Bowdoin is a liberal arts college that thrives on intellectual discourse in and out of the classroom. Students, faculty, and staff all participate in the exchange of ideas in an atmosphere characterized by high achievement and a sense of balance. The Admissions Committee is eager to learn more about you and your school community. Reflecting on your own educational experiences, how have you prepared yourself to enter an academic environment like Bowdoin's? (Suggested length: 250-500 words.)
"Udo, stop overworking yourself" Zilk said to me as I studied through the night to complete a project. I smiled at him, packed my books and retired to bed.
My high school was a gifted academy which admitted just a few outstanding students from all over the country. This made studying a habit which I could not get enough of. Studies, researches were all needed to stand the challenge from other brilliant minds. I was really grateful to have a friend like Zilk who could show me other sides of learning aside studying. Zilk and I were roommates and best of friends although it was a rough start. At first, it seemed as if we were from different worlds. Zilk having a northern origin spoke with an accent that made communication a problem as he had to repeat some of his sentences before I could comprehend. Zilk's definition of fun was playing his guitar aloud which irritated me. Several weeks of living together made us realize our similarities. We both enjoyed playing chess, watching football and keeping our surroundings clean. Living with Zilk made me realize that diversity is no barrier to peaceful coexistence and productive living. Living with Zilk had increased my desire for a diverse community.
"Krrrrriiiiiii" the sound of my alarm made me jump out of bed to prepare for another day in the Academy. After my morning rituals, I would hastily go to the school clinic to assist the nurses then to the dining hall, have a quick breakfast before moving to class to attend lectures. When the day's lectures are over, discussing with other course mates or consulting a teacher for more explanations, sharing prospects, cultures and ideas are productive ways to spend time. The Academy's Library, a place of quietude, was the perfect spot to brainstorm an idea or do some quiet study. In the library, one looses track of time. Only the beep of my watch rescued me and made me realize how time had passed. I had almost missed watching the Fedacadians (my high School team) play. "Udo, where have you been, I have been looking all over for you. It is time for the match. Let's go!" Zilk said excitedly as I stepped out of the library.
After a day well spent, Zilk and I went back to the room and fell into our beds. "Zilk, what could be more fun than watching twenty human beings chasing a round object with the only aim of placing it in the net?" I asked Zilk. "Playing my guitar aloud" he replied as we shared a laugh. Shutting my eyes, I slept off to rejuvenate myself to prepare for yet another day in the Academy.
My high school experiences have prepared me to invigorate the Bowdoin atmosphere of high achievement and sense of balance. Bowdoin is the perfect fit to develop my appreciation for diversity where I would be exposed to people with different colors but with a common goal.
eliminating words is really easy. you just have to look for words that do not delete the message that you are trying to convey in the essay.
hey Aisha,thanks but could you help me do some of it because i really have a problem doing it.
I don't see why you need to eliminate words: your essay is precisely 500 words.
One point though, I think you need to say a little more about your high school experience rather than your dream about Bowdoin. I see that you wanted to show that you'd fit well in Bowdoin through that dream, but it can be confusing and make the whole 1st & 2nd paragraph look like they were all about Bowdoin.
I like your writing style though, nice job!
Could you come and comment on my essay (for Bowdoin too)?
Wow... I like the flow of this essay. Very fascinating. I agree with Kim's comment... I don't think you have to try hard to cut your words. it's good enough.
But in the middle part when you talk about...
The Bowdoin Library, a place of quietude, was the perfect spot to brainstorm an idea or do some quiet study. In the library, one looses track of time. Only the beep of my watch rescued me and made me realize how time had passed.
You confused me because I thought the story was taking place in your high school dorm (I was assuming that you were attending a boarding school)
So what is the transition? You were in your own dorm first, but then you went out to visit Bowdoin's libarary?
I just got confused there.
Anyway... If you can also give comment on my essay I will be so glad
feel free to criticize
I did some editing and this was it.
WON AND COURTAIN,I AM GOING FOR YOUR ESSAYS.THANKS FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS.MORE CRITICISMS ARE WELCOME