Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


How will your presence enrich our community? Readmission essay


bimongol 2 / 4  
Nov 21, 2012   #1
I had a really bad semester and I got suspended from University of Wisconsin Eau Claire for a semester. I would really like to get back to school and continue my studies. I am almost done with the online application except the last part which asks the above question. I wrote up an essay and wanted to make sure it is a good and an appealing essay. There is another part about the application that I have to explain why I failed so dont worry about that. Please review my essay and let me know what is good and what is bad. Any kinds of criticisms are appreciated.

All my life, I have had a fascination and interest in computing and technology. I have always enjoyed keeping up-to-date with the latest advances in technology and have remained amazed at the speed of computerized developments over the past few years. The curiosity stemmed from the day I used a computer for the first time. As such I decided to pursue a degree in Computer Science. On the contrary to the stereotype about computer science students having no social life and spending all of the time on a computer, I am very sociable.

Confucius once said, "How happy we are to have friends from afar!" This really expresses my attitude toward friends. I look forward to meeting people with diverse social, cultural and religious background in university; with students from many countries, UWEC will definitely provide me a great opportunity for that. On top of that, as a student from Mongolia, I am looking forward to sharing my unique cultural background with all UWEC students, as well as all the experiences that have shaped me.

I realize that my contribution to the university's community may not be grand. But for me, "Big changes begin with a small step". It's not like me to make empty promises. I am a realist and I consider ambition to be of utmost importance though I realize that it is useless without the support of hard work. I have a millions of dreams, but I am more than just a dreamer. As a person, I am caring, compassionate, understanding, dedicated, and enthusiastic. I do everything with enthusiasm because it is much rewarding when I succeed and not at all discouraging when I fail. It is quite the opposite of discouraging. It makes me want to try again and even harder until I succeed.

As a final point, I am an outgoing, ambitious, and enthusiastic Mongolian and I hope this helps you in making the decision of accepting me for readmission.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 23, 2012   #2
The curiosity stemmed from the day I used a computer for the first time.

... My suggestion;
The curiosity stemmed for the day I ever laid my hands on a computer.


As such I decided to pursue a degree in Computer Science.

..... well... before this just indicate how you developed your passion which forced you to pursue your studies in this field;
That was the advent of my strong passion for computers and pursuing a degree in Computer Science became my one and only dream.

On the contrary to the stereotype about computer science students having no social life and spending all of the time on a computer, I am very sociable.

Say this differently with a milder tone :D ;
However, I being a very sociable character do not anyway reflect the general perception of computer science students, the stereotypes.


Home / Undergraduate / How will your presence enrich our community? Readmission essay
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳