Hi, I'm applying to UT and I could use help with one of the prompts
The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.
If you could, please take the time to read and edit my essay.
Thank you,
SeeMee
Growing up with parents that dropped out of high school, I was not pressured to go to college. If the topic ever came up, I would tell people that I would like to help my father out with his business. Senior year in high school was an eye-opening year. The second semester, my friends were getting their acceptance letters to their top choice school. Every single day, we would discuss possible roommates or what the theme of their dorm should be. I was truly happy for my friends for coming so far in life, but I couldn't help but to envy them. That was when I had my first thought of going to college.
I sat in the counselor's office as they went over all of my options for going to college, since I was so late in the actual process. With my lousy outlook on my future from the beginning of high school, I knew my options were limited. Surprisingly, there were potential schools for me. Many smaller colleges were still allowing students to submit applications. I went home with the good news to find out that my family would not be able to afford sending me to a 4-year college out of the city. I went back to my counselors to seek advice. I was given the option of going to Austin Community College for a year or two since it was affordable and a great route for me to decide what I wanted to become in life.
I came to the conclusion that I wanted to go to a university. I found a job and paid my way through my first semester in a community college. I was broke, but I was pleased for becoming a responsible adult. My thirst to go to a university was increasing, but my financial circumstances were slowly pulling me back. At the end of the first semester, however, my parents' proudly told me that they would be able to send me to college as their business was slowly reviving. I was delighted and very grateful as I could see my future slowly becoming clear.
While doing some research on colleges, I came across UT as one of the finest schools in Texas. I was giddy with the possibility of going to a university with so many opportunities for people and such a remarkable reputation for quality in education. This was the school and the community I wanted to be a part of, so I worked for it. I committed to making my year at ACC one of the best. I frequently spoke with college advisors who reassured me that UT would be a perfect, but challenging goal for me to aim for. To attend UT would be one of my proudest accomplishments. It would be the opening of a future with which I can become someone I am proud of. I hope the admission committee finds my drive for education suitable and accepts my request to be a part of the UT community where I can explore all of the fascinating courses and majors offered.
Hey, you have a really good essay! I am applying to UT too so I'm in the same boat. My only suggestion would be to maybe add somethings about what you did ACC academically and what you want to do at UT. They probably are interested to hear what your plans are at UT and maybe what your interests are. But that's just a suggestion. Best of luck! If you want to read my essay it is in the same thread.
Growing up with parents that dropped out of high school, I was not pressured to go to college.
My parents being high school dropouts, I was never pressured to study by my parents.If the topic ever came up, I would tell people that I would like to help my father out with his business
If this topic ever came up, I would tell others that I wish to help my father with his business rather than pursuing higher studies.Senior year in high school was an eye-opening year.
... connect this idea to the previous one;
However, the senior year in high school provided me with an eye-opening.The second semester, my friends were getting their acceptance letters to their top choice school
Your sentences seem to be detached a bit. You need to connect them to have a smooth flow of ideas.
