Hi guys!! I think I've finished the essay but I want your opinion and if there's mistakes on it could you tell me?
Thank you :D
While I was looking on the Internet for Colleges that accepted international students I found the University of Chicago. I knew that I wanted a college that, aside from the prestige, its history and location, could provide financial aid to those who can't afford it, give an opportunity to international student's, push their talent, give them opportunities and promote leadership, and for what I know so far Chicago has that.
More important than the college is the major I'm choosing; I'm diverse on the fields that I like and my options where Archaeology, Media Design or Biological Sciences, I wanted diversity. I choose to apply to those universities that had two of the options; luckily Chicago has Biological Sciences and Archaeology. I see UChicago as a challenge, and I like challenges because they force you to do your best and more than that, to learn from your mistakes and improve yourself, they make you reach your goals and this is what I want.
Not all the Universities possesses a sense of community, since I'll be studying outside my country I expect to feel like home there, meet other people and make friends, and to do different things for example: be on a sports or dance team, sign up to an extracurricular activity, be part of a research etc., and Chicago has it.
To be on the top is not easy, it requires effort and, more important than this, it requires passion, compromise and competitiveness. This is what I expect if I'm admitted, not only great education, an opportunity to pursue a Master degree and finding a job, but also leadership and developing of different abilities that can serve in my personal and professional life on any place around the world.
Feedback: Try to discuss more about what you can bring to UChicago's community, not what UChicago can give you. Work on run-on sentences, comma splices, and parallel structure. Good luck!
joah5454
Thank you so much!!
I'm adding this:
I'll bring to this community diversity, my cultural background and point of view, my strong personality, my goals, my determination, passion and heart in all the things that I do.
Is that ok?
short and precise , good
But like joah5454 said, what do you have that can benefit the college? a significant experience, knowledge, or something you posses that you think is unique/
You said, in your second sentence that you UC provides history... but it does does not provide fin aid for international applicant.???
you were direct about what you wanted to study, but i think you should show it by being more descriptive, not that it's easy, but try
