I'm applying to transfer to a four year private college in boston ( from a community college) .. and have filled out the common app without any flaw.
now comes the Essay supplement: where I feel as if my essay is completely not up to par .. and I honestly feel out of my league, even though I have a 4.0 GPA and impressive resume. I dont know if im over thinking this essay, or if my feelings are correct, and my goal to become an admit to my dream school are totally inaccessible. So heres my first draft, there are probably a million mistakes, but am I not following this essay correctly? I have never had any guidance in applying to a four year college. and have NO access to guidance or resources in my current school. so please, any pointers, advice, direction that is as blunt as possible, is ENCOURAGED.
Thankyou!!
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. (250 word minimum, 650 max)
When most women look back on the story of Cinderella, you never expect any of them to relate to the Prince in the fairytale. Unconventionally, I see myself as the Prince, rather than the disadvantaged girl who acquired everything she ever wanted. Even as a little girl I saw this Prince who was forced to find himself a wife, and had to do so with the expectation of the people and circumstances surrounding him. I felt sorry for him as a child, but as I became an adult, I found I could relate to his search through the pressure I felt while deciding exactly what I should do with the rest of my life. You see, even in the midst of expectation and requirements, he found the match he knew was right for him. What he wanted was just outside his grasp, yet he never gave up. He thoroughly searched everywhere he could for the woman of his dreams with that one glass slipper, and he did not stop until he found the perfect fit. Looking back on the decisions I've made, I see myself as that Prince desperate to see if the glass slipper of the college search fits.
After visiting Lesley University, speaking with current students and faculty, and doing a lot of research, I believe that the glass slipper is a perfect match! While being at community college has confirmed my desire to pursue human services, and I have had the ability to excel in college level courses, I've realized that my current college does not have the essential opportunities and areas of study to obtain my goal of becoming an adolescent counselor. Where-as Lesley offers areas of study and abundant resources to direct me towards the right career. Networking opportunities and hands-on internships at Lesley University, would allow me to gain experience in and outside of the classroom . I've also realized after participating in large class sizes at my current school, that I desire smaller class sizes because they facilitate a closer student to professor relationship and are better tailored to my learning style. Lastly, I know I would be able to better take advantage of these resources and remain actively engaged in my academic studies by living on campus instead of commuting.
I have always desired a sense of community with peers who have like-minded interests and goals, I believe this creates a stable foundation that allows you to thrive . Although I have met many wonderful, cultured, and interesting students in community college, I have not found many who are as passionate as I am about making a difference, or seeking social change. I want to feel as though I have a place in my school community, to find activities and clubs that I can actively participate in, and discuss and expand ideas with other students and professors. I am confident that this will be easy and exciting to do at Lesley after hearing about the student body clubs, events and outreach programs such as Habitat for Humanity and much, much more. I especially love that Lesley is located in such a beautiful, cultured, and lively neighborhood where there is a plethora of attractions and things to do such as sports, games, music and arts and other fun activities. I have always loved the city; it very much feels like home.
When I realized I desired to pursue a career as a social worker and adolescent counselor, I felt very much like Cinderella's prince. It has determined every step that has led me to this opportunity. One of the main reasons I am pursuing a degree in human services, is to ultimately begin a career where I can make a difference in the lives of others and make impacting connections with people from all different backgrounds. I know that this university can assist in my journey to successfully obtain this goal.
Your essay is very good! I think the only comment I would have is to have change this sentence a bit
What he wanted was just outside his grasp, yet he never gave up. He thoroughly searched everywhere he could for the woman of his dreams with that one glass slipper, and he did not stop until he found the perfect fit. Looking back on the decisions I've made, I now see myself as that Prince desperate to see if the glass slipper of the college search fits.
