If you are interested in pursuing a B.S.E. (Bachelor of Science in Engineering) degree, please write a 300-500 word essay describing why you are interested in studying engineering, any experiences in or exposure to engineering you have had, and how you think the programs in engineering offered at Princeton suit your particular interests.
When I first saw that corn popper toy as a baby, I immediately wanted to know how it worked. How did moving a lawnmower toy cause balls to bounce inside it? I pressured my father to dismantle it so I could see the things inside. I was completely dumbfounded when I saw that the wheels moved a little cam that loaded and released the spring that launched the balls.
This discovery is what first got me interested in the structure and function of things. I wanted to know how things worked instead of being content with the results of the clever engineering that created it.
Not surprisingly, this initial interest translated into an interest in Lego Technic models. I would save up lots of money just for these awesome models. When I did have enough, I would spend it on huge builds with over a thousand pieces. I would spend hours upon hours spinning wheels or twirling tiny gears as I built the models just to see how they would interact with the rest of the pieces. Frankly, it never got boring.
In high school, this interest took on a new edge when I became interested in PCs and computer technology. Even if I couldn't afford any of the pieces, I would spend hours upon hours researching, reading about the Z87 architecture or the GTexel/s output of a GPU. All of this research never got boring because there was virtually limitless knowledge out there.
Now that I've experienced all of this technology, I want to go further and build it. To me, it's genuinely interesting that a tiny change in the architecture of a CPU can affect all sorts of things like power consumption and efficiency, or how tiny gears work with an engine block to push a 2000 kilogram car. I want to take it further and fiddle with designs in my own way. I want to be able to make all sorts of cool things with the knowledge I gain.
I think that Princeton's Engineering program will help me reach my goal. The department will guide me to necessary courses like ELE203 where I will get the foundation that I need from enthusiastic professors like Mr. Chou. These people are masters in their field and really love what they do. They'll give me an excellent foundation of knowledge and impart the same ideas to me. The preceptorials will certainly help with that too.
From there, I'll be able to take the reins and do what I'd like. I will get to do all sorts of independent research for the senior thesis. That's where I'll be able to take the strong foundation and put it to use as I always wanted.
Princeton will give me the tools to succeed and then let me choose my path to really foster the creative thinking that it's all about. Princeton will satisfy this demand. And who knows? Maybe with a Princeton education, I'll be able to solve P=NP...
I'm not that good at expressing ideas, so please feel free to tear it to shreds.
Not to tear your work into shreds but, we've got a problem with your first paragraph. You can't say you saw the corn popper as a baby. A baby cannot pressure his father into dismantling something. A baby can't speak beyond incomprehensible noises. Rather than saying you were a baby, instead say you were a little boy or an 8 year old or something, anything that will make it clear that you had the ability to analyze a simple toy and ask about it. A baby just can't do that.
Not surprisingly, this initial interest translated into an interest in Lego Technic models. I would save up lots of money just for these awesome models. When I did have enough, I would spend it on huge builds with over a thousand pieces. I would spend hours upon hours spinning wheels or twirling tiny gears as I built the models just to see how they would interact with the rest of the pieces. Frankly, it never got boring.
- There is no need to let the reviewer know how you came to won the Lego pieces, just that you did. Focus on relating the function of building the models to an increase in your interest in engineering as teenager.
In high school, this interest took on a new edge when I became interested in PCs and computer technology. Even if I couldn't afford any of the pieces, I would spend hours upon hours researching, reading about the Z87 architecture or the GTexel/s output of a GPU. All of this research never got boring because there was virtually limitless knowledge out there.
- Do not fixate on how you came to own these things. It is not of any interest to the reviewer. His only interest lies in your response to the prompt. The story about how you did not have money to buy or had too much money to buy is irrelevant.
The department will guide me to THROUGH necessary courses like ELE203
The preceptorials will certainly help with that too.
- How do you see it helping you? Explain it a bit for the reviewer.
Well, I suppose that "baby" is the wrong word. It was more like when I was a little boy, as you said.
Also, I suppose I could put stuff in about how the preceptorials will allow me to clarify any doubts I have withers the materials.
Would that be okay?
I pressured (instead of pressured we may use persuade/coaxed ) my father to dismantle it....
or we can make it more appealing by saying I dismantled it with alacrity (because as a kid we do things on our own if something excite us)
spend hours upon hours spinning...
I would spend hours upon hours researching...
two times of ours upon hours make it seem too much to impress...
Even if I couldn't afford any of the pieces, I would spend hours upon hours researching, reading about the Z87 a-----------------
Even if I couldn't afford any of the pieces, I would devote myself in researching, reading about----------
Also, you did a good job.. good luck :)
This is the new draft. Is there anything else wrong with it or am I good to go?
Edit: Ssak, I didn't see your message but I will definitely make those changes.
If you can find a way to relate the first paragraph to your first experience in Engineering, that would be great. Rather than just explaining that you asked your father to dismantle the toy and that you were dumbfounded by what you saw, try to extend the discussion. Include some comments about how you tried to put the to back together without your father's help and that is how you had your first engineering activity that got you hooked.
For every paragraph in the essay relating to you experience, I find that your discussions are too short and not as informative as it should be. Try to present an idea or conclusion that you developed as you participated in these activities. Show the reviewer that you were constantly developing your engineering skills so this move to study engineering in college is really just the next logical step for you.
Definitely build up the preceptors discussion. That ties in directly with the prompt requirement asking you to discuss how their engineering program will suit your interests.Try to describe how you plan to use the experience with the preceptors to your advantage. It is important that you always develop your sentences stating actions on your part completely. Normally, the complete paragraph for such a thought would include examples of a preceptor discussion you look forward to having for some reason. Just be very clear in stating that the preceptors are one of the reasons that you chose to attend Princeton.
