Thank you in advance for any help
American colonists during the settlement must have felt this way. On an untamed, foreign land, they endured infinite trials and errors until they finally declared their independence and transformed the land into a thriving civilization. On the same land they settled, I, too, am a colonist.
My fingers blistered and my knees worn out as I climbed the wall. If I advanced an inch higher, hands of derision grabbed my ankle. In the Rio Grande Valley in Texas, the sky held its arms wide open as if to welcome and embrace me, but even the gesture trapped me dauntingly. No one forced me to climb, but it was my duty, for I had asked my family to give me the opportunity to live in the States. Over the wall fences at my first residence South Point, I saw the infinite sky touching the horizon; it seemed distant and unattainable. Between my previous life and my new life to come, I, in the age of twelve, was to hibernate with no means of transportation and no friend to visit. Albeit a triviality on the surface, the walls had not only meant a physical barrier but also a symbol of constant challenges I had to face. In my foreign life, everyday I felt compelled to confront the walls. 'Can I ever overcome them?' I wondered.
Five years later, I was standing in front of anew curtains. As the music started, the curtains opened and I was at my starting point under the spotlight before a crowd. At my school's talent show, I seized the opportunity to break the stereotypical image of nerdy and boring Asians, which irritated me greatly. Therefore, I resolved to break the wall. Having control of every move, I danced to disprove the wall which persistently asserted that I was weak. Against the wall's will, I made a myriad of people speechless. From that moment, my schoolmate's idea of Asians changed. I conquered.
Unlike dancing on stage, the crossing of the wall of English took years. Perhaps my bold, adventurous nature dominated again. In front of humility ridicules, I improved my English fervently and realized how much I relished in its beauty. The pinnacle of the realization came when I took a course in Creative Nonfiction at Harvard. Without using dull, formulaic methods, the class taught me how to feel free to write creatively. It was my turning point in which English transformed from a foe to an aficionado. I conquered.
No matter how daunting the different walls appeared from the bottom, I saw, climbed, and conquered. The adrenaline rush I get from overcoming one wall after another has made me unstoppable. The conquered walls form an amalgam that results in my individuality. Freely being engaged in my school, community, and the world, I have learned to face challenges with belief in myself. More walls will come, but more eagerly I will climb them.
Hey, because there you didn't include a prompt, I was unsure of the topic, however I edited it as best as I could.
American colonists during the settlement must have felt this way. On an untamed, foreign land, they endured infinite trials and errors until they finally declared their independence and transformed the land into a thriving civilization. On the same land they settled, I, too, am a colonist.
* As the American colonists came to America to endure infinite trials and errors and finally declared their independence, they transformed this land into a thriving civilization. Similiarly, I am a colonist on their land.
- There's no transition between the ideas and I was caught off-guard by the switch. Include a transition to show where the essay is headed.
My fingers blistered and my knees worn out as I climbed the wall. If I advanced an inch higher, hands of derision grabbed my ankle. In the Rio Grande Valley in Texas, the sky held its arms wide open as if to welcome and embrace me, but even the gesture trapped me dauntingly. No one forced me to climb, but it was my duty, for I had asked my family to give me the opportunity to live in the States.
* My fingers were blistered and my knees were worn out as I climbed the wall. If i advanced an inch higher, hands of derision would grab my ankles. I was in Rio Grande Valley, Texas, and as I looked up the sky held its arms wide open as if to welcome and embrace me. Despire this comforting scene, the gesture trapped me dauntingly. I had opted to climb, ------ but it was my duty, for I had asked my family...states. -- This whole sentence seems irrelevant to the whole climbing of the well scene you've painted. use transitions!
Over the wall fences at my first residence South Point, I saw the infinite sky touching the horizon; it seemed distant and unattainable. Between my previous life and my new life to come, I, in the age of twelve, was to hibernate with no means of transportation and no friend to visit. Albeit a triviality on the surface, the walls had not only meant a physical barrier but also a symbol of constant challenges I had to face. In my foreign life, everyday I felt compelled to confront the walls. 'Can I ever overcome them?' I wondered.
- Over the wall fences at my first home (residence sounds impersonal) South Point, I saw the boundless ( you've used inifinite enough times) sky touching the horizon; it seemed distant and unattainable.
* You switched thoughts without a transition again, lead into WHY you are going here & touching this subject.
Between my previous life and my new live to come,--------As a twelve year old, I had no means of transportation nor any friend to visit.
in the age of twelve???! As a twelve year old!
On an untamed, foreign land, they endured infinite trials and errors until
"Trial and error" is an expression to refer to a haphazard way of figuring something out. It does not belong in this sentence.
My fingers blistere
d, and my knees
became worn out as I climbed the wall.
If I advanced an inch higher, hands of derision grabbed my ankle. --- this sentence is interesting, but in the next sentence you should explain what you mean about the hands of derision.
:-)
