"What does not destroy me makes me stronger" - Princeton Supplement prompt 5

Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell
us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach
the world. Please write the quotation, title and author at the beginning of your essay.

"What does not destroy me makes me stronger" from Twilight of Idols by Friedrich Nietzsche.

Perhaps the last two years of my life clearly portrays what Nietzsche is trying to convey through this quote. At the mid of my tenth grade, my father (the single earner in my family) lost his job due to the political upheaval existing in the country. He worked in Casino Royale on a fixed income and, hence, had a very little saving in his bank account back then. We were forced to make our living possible with less than $1.5 per day. In midst of such financial crisis we were facing, another major problem hit us; my mother, a depression patient since last eighteen years, had another major attack. The little bank saving that my father had done was mostly spent in the medical expenses of my mother. By the end of my 10th grade, he had already a negative bank balance to fund for the daily expenses and my educational expenses. As per Nietzsche, these were some signs that indicated that we were in a near to die situation.

After my SLC, I had to be admitted in 11th grade. And this was the thing I feared the most because I knew my father would not be able to pay for my future tuition expenses. My high school admission became a far cry for me. However, crave for high school education within me led me to sought additional sources for financing my education. I started a scavenger hunt for scholarships in the city. On hearing about a scholarship opportunity to study A Levels Trinity International College, I thought of seeking it. After giving an entrance examination and fortunately getting the highest marks, I received a full scholarship.

Getting scholarship though reduced major financial burden of my family members, it was still difficult to pay off my daily expenditure. In order to save 10 cents, I would walk 6 miles to the college than take a public vehicle that cost 10 cents. While I would watch some of my friends spending a good time in the college canteen, I would stay in the classroom itself, telling myself and them that I had to complete my assignments. While my friends made plan to spend the weekends visiting new places, I would see them and say I didn't had enough energy to go with them.

The pressure of maintaining scholarship itself acted as a catalyst for me to give my best at academics. In trying to accomplish the scholarship criteria, I found myself refining my abilities. Scoring the highest marks and securing top positions in my college became important to me because on one hand, I had to retain my scholarship and on the other, I wanted to contribute something to the society in future.

When I joined my college, I was a quiet, shy, and an introvert girl. I feared asking questions with my teachers then. But in order to score well, I needed to discuss additional questions with my subject teachers. Thus, as days passed I found myself in a situation I had never imagined to be. I started taking parts in presentation and speeches in front of the class that developed leadership skills within me. I could enhance my communication skills and grow my self-confidence.

Two years back, I feared that I won't be able to achieve the high school education but the hardships taught me to tackle with them effectively and to support myself and my family. The hardships certainly didn't killed me but brought newer qualities in me that I previously lacked.

Shivani, I like the quote that you chose. The overall narrative of the essay directly relates to the quote. However, the story runs a bit too long because you tried to deliver too much information in the narrative. You need to learn to choose which information is necessary to present and which is not necessary to present. Take for example the paragraph where you discuss your father's financial problem. This runs too long because you felt it necessary to mention where he worked and how much he earned. When you simply could have just said that he had a salary cut, without ever mentioning where he worked since that is irrelevant to the main point of the essay.

You can also edit the content of the second and third paragraphs in order to create a more relevant and easier to read new paragraph. I would combine it this way:

Getting scholarship though reduced major financial burden of my family members, it was still difficult to pay off my daily expenditure. In order to save 10 cents,... vehicle that cost 10 cents. The pressure of maintaining scholarship itself ...I had to retain my scholarship and on the other, I wanted to contribute something to the society in future.

I removed the middle part about your classmates because the fact that you could not do what they were doing is a redundancy. It is already a given because you are a scholar. So focus instead on the sacrifices that directly affected you due to lack of finances. The things you could not do with your classmates are whims, not needs. So it has no place in the essay.

The rest of the essay is fine though. It works well to deliver your message. The language just needs to be cleaned up because the grammar is quite bad in some places. You can worry about the grammar correction after you have completed the necessary changes to the essay first.

Let's play the editing game this time. I see some points for correction. Please note them and apply it to the next version of the paper.

.... At the mid of my tenth grade, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TENTH GRADE WHEN my father (the single earner in my family) ... Thus, we were forced to make our living possible with OUR FAMILY SURVIVED ON less than $1.5 per day...of such A financial crisis... depression from OVER the last eighteen years...

The little bank savingA that my father had done was mostly spent in ON the medical expenses of my mother...

I am rewording the next paragraph to make it read more fluidly.
Entering the 11th grade, I knew that my father would not be able to pay for my tuition fees and other expenses. Yet, I refused to stop going to school. I took it upon myself to seek our scholarships to high school across Kathmandu. I heard of a scholarship that would allow me to study A Levels at Trinity International College. I applied for and won a full scholarship. thus easing my academic financial woes somewhat.

I had to gain admission into the 11th grade ... examination and fortunately getting the highest marks, I received a full scholarship.

...scholarship reduced THE major financial burden of ON my family members,... off my daily expenditure EXPENSES. In order to save 10 cents, I would walk 6 miles to the college than take a public vehicle. The pressure of maintaining scholarship itself acted as a catalyst for me to give my best to academics. In trying to accomplish the scholarship criteria, I found myself refining my abilities. Scoring the highest marks and securing top positions in my college became important to me because on one hand, I had to retain my scholarship and on the other, I wanted to contribute something to the society in future.

When I joined my ATTENDED college, ... questions with OF my teachers then... subject teachers...imagined to be IN ... I could enhanceD my communication skills and grow GREW my self-confidence.

...feared that I won't[/S[ WOULD NOT be able to achieve the A high school (...) taught me to tackle DEAL with them effectively, ...

This is all the editing we need to do for now.

When I joined my college, I was a quiet, shy, and an introvert girl..
Holt ....replacing "joined" with "attended" gives a sense that I was in the college(studying ) and was shy...
Can I use "when I first attended" ??

I feared asking questions with my teachers then>>>I feared asking questions OF my teachers??Can you check this sentence?

And making all the changes my word count is only 419 ..I want to add something that reflects that I can contribute to Princeton>>Ho do I do that?

Thanks!!

Let me get something straight. Were you or were you not attending college at that point in time? What exactly were you doing at the college if you were not enrolled there? Clarify that point for me so that I can make the proper decision as to how to formulate the sentence. Why do you want to use the term "first attended" How many times have you attended college as a freshman. Basically, I changed the term because one does not "join" a college like a club. One "attends" college because you are there for a purpose, which is to study. Which was the reason for you?

...I feared asking questions OF my teachers??Can you check this sentence?
- Believe me, that sentence structure is correct. You chat with your teachers, you speak with your teachers, but you ask questions OF your teachers. When you "ask of" it means that you are requesting something from your teacher. In this case you feared "asking of information" from your teachers. You are asking your teacher to actively participate in providing or meeting your requirements which in this case, would be the response to your question. So the term being used is correct. It is an Old English English phrase that indicates that a person is well read and intellectual.

No. Don't add anything about what you can contribute to Princeton. That is not required at this point and will only change the slant of your essay. You will deviate from the prompt provided and it will make the reviewer think that you either did not understand the requirements of the prompt or you are the kind of student who does not follow instructions. You don't need a lengthy essay, you only need an essay that delivers on the requirements you were provided for the development of your essay.

Thanks HOLT !!! I had no idea of what "ask of" meant
THANKS ONCE AGAIN!!!!

Re edited princeton SUPPLEMENT NOV 1

"What does not destroy me makes me stronger" from Twilight of Idols by Friedrich Nietzsche.

Perhaps the last two years of my life clearly portray what Nietzsche was trying to convey through this quote. I was in the middle of the tenth grade when my father (the single earner in my family) had a salary cut .Our family survived on less than $1.5 per day. In midst of such a financial crisis, another major problem hit us; my mother, who had been suffering depression over the last eighteen years, had another major attack. The little savings that my father had was mostly spent on the medical expenses of my mother. By the end of my 10th grade, we were greatly in debt.

Entering the 11th grade, I knew that my father would not be able to pay for my tuition fees and other expenses. Yet, I refused to stop going to school. I took it upon myself to seek out scholarships to high school across Kathmandu. I heard of a scholarship that would allow me to study A Levels at Trinity International College. I applied for and won a full scholarship, thus easing my academic financial woes somewhat.

Though getting a scholarship reduced the major financial burden on my family members, it was still difficult for them to pay off my daily expenses. The pressure of maintaining scholarship itself acted as a catalyst for me to give my best to academics. In trying to accomplish the scholarship criteria, I found myself refining my abilities. Scoring the highest marks and securing top positions in my college became important to me because on one hand, I had to retain my scholarship and on the other, I wanted to contribute something to the society in future.

When I attended college, I was a quiet, shy, and an introvert girl. I feared asking questions of my teachers then. However, in order to score well, I needed to discuss additional questions with my subject teachers. Thus, as days passed I found myself in a situation I had never imagined to be in. I started taking parts in presentation and speeches in front of the class that developed leadership skills within me. I grew my self-confidence.

Two years ago, I feared a high school education but the hardships taught me to deal with them effectively, to support my family and to bring the best out of me. The hardships certainly didn't kill me but brought newer qualities in me that only made me stronger.

IS THIS FINE HOLT??

I want to add extra information in the 3rd and 4th paragraph>>

In the 3rd paragraph I want to add that I won an outstanding cambridge learners award for Accounting(but I don't know where it fits )

In the fourth paragraph I like to add that I had once participated in a Debate competiton .Although I didn't won I learnt to overcome my shyness.

Do I add these informations??How can I present it HOLT?

That information is not necessary content for the essay. It is information that belongs more in a background essay or personal statement. this particular prompt needs to stick to the quote that you chose. I do not see these events adding anything that will strengthen the information you have already presented. It is complete as it is. Any information that you add needs to represent a strength of character through adversity. These competitions, unless they had some life altering effect on you, will not be capable of representing such content. In my opinion, you don't need to add it. It will only remove the focus of the reviewer from the strong information that you have provided in the current version of the essay and that is something that you will never want to do in an application essay that has such specific requirements.

But doesn't participating in debate indicate that I removed my shyness? Afterall ,that is the gist of para 4??

Then you have to remove the reference to shyness in relation to your teachers. Don't overthink it. You only need one example for each trait. Talking to a person in authority regarding something you are unsure about is more impressive than being able to stand in front of an audience debating. If you feel that the debate best represents your personal triumph over shyness, then go ahead and use it. Choose which example you feel suits your intention best.

In order to have a strong response, you need to use as little examples as possible. Normally, one strong example works best. When you try to present too many examples, your paper comes across as trying had and uncertain. Whereas one strong, well developed example shows certainty and confidence in what you have written. In the end though, the essay should reflect something you are comfortable with presenting because of your certainty that this is the strongest possible support for your statement.

I think you're right !
Thanks Holt!!