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Princeton influential person essay


Snowflakes 1 / 8  
Dec 29, 2011   #1
Prompt: Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way

Something was wrong. I could feel it in the air, in my mother's slight frown, in my father's silence. I was still young, but when my father left right after the New Year, I knew that something out of the ordinary was occurring.

To me, my father was just a regular guy, working away at his computer, spending time playing sports with us, and organizing vacations. I loved him, but I never thought of him as anything other than my 'Daddy'. He was a consistent family man, and always planned months ahead for any vacation or outing. That is why it was strange for him to leave for China without advance notice.

Years later, upon entering high school, I began to uncover my father's amazing experiences. As I was learning about his past in China and his experience going through the Cultural Revolution, this story also came out. It was an intriguing story, with a villain, victims, and a hero. And my father was the hero.

This is what happened:
My father received a phone call from two of his old LA friends. They were being kept under watch in a hotel in Shanghai, and were asking my father for help.

The cause for their predicament was a faulty investment of a million dollars. They had been deceived into trusting a stranger, who had befriended and encouraged them to invest in a business he would start in Shanghai. However, when they went to Shanghai to find out how the business was going, they were kidnapped. It was a total robbery.

This scammer was undoubtedly backed up by friends in high positions. Cheating people out of their money was common in China, and barely anyone would be willing to run against the natural flow of things, however unfair it was. My father was not afraid, though, and he quickly went to work as soon as he arrived at Shanghai, starting by freeing his friends. He was able to do this because of his powerful connections with people in the government, for he used to work as a government official. The next few days he spent creating a plan of action, and working out any kinks. First, he would seek government approval and the law enforcement's support. Then, with a little bit of intimidation, he would be able to trap the scammer.

It was priceless to hear of his confrontation with the scammer, of how this tall, confident, deceitful businessman was reduced to a trembling, anxious bundle of fears before my father. It was priceless to hear how justice was dealt, and how good triumphed over evil in a world where corruption so often reigns.

My father accomplished the seemingly impossible and did what most feared to do, in the name of justice. He chose to use his power and influence to assist those in need, stepping up when nobody else would or could. His courage in the face of such danger and opposition has inspired me to face my own fears, and open up to others. Before, when guests with children came over for dinner, I would be reluctant to start conversations with the other kids. Now, after seeing how my father took the initiative and the responsibility to save others, I cannot help but be moved to do likewise. I began to take the first step in greeting others, and getting to know them, rather than waiting for them to speak first, despite my natural shyness.

In addition to all this, with every reason to boast and take the rewards for his help, my father didn't. He began his mission selflessly, and ended it selflessly. His two friends offered a large share of the business to my father, as compensation for all that he did. My father refused, and asked only for a ticket back to Canada. Thank you, good-bye, and then back to life as a father, husband, and worker. I realized that the greatest people are the humblest ones, the people who can achieve the impossible and then wave it off by saying, "Oh, it was nothing."

My father taught me by example humility with service. Helping others is not about showing off what I'm capable of, or how great I am. It is about doing what is right and serving others. After all, it is not the high position that will eventually influence people, but the integrity and moral courage to stand up to the unjust that will have lasting impact on them. I want to follow in my father's footsteps, to realize my fullest potential, with the aim to serve others - not myself.
rosomp - / 11  
Dec 29, 2011   #3
Absolutely top-notch work, Cynthia! I really enjoyed reading your essay. I think it's great the way it is. The admissions office will love this!
hamzaobaid 2 / 9  
Dec 29, 2011   #4
Great essay ! Really loved the ending. but don't you exceed the world limit ? Are we allowed to do that on common app ?
sarahbee 1 / 49  
Dec 29, 2011   #5
this is an awesome essay. i really do not have anything to change or criticize. AWESOME!
OP Snowflakes 1 / 8  
Dec 29, 2011   #6
This is the Princeton supplement. It asks for about 500 words and gives a character limit of 5000. So, I'm safe :)
Thanks, that's really encouraging! But does this essay show enough about myself?
hamzaobaid 2 / 9  
Dec 29, 2011   #7
Since you asked :D
Ok LOVE the ending, dont change it.
You could describe his influence on You a bit more and maybe state how it'll help you in your career (like i tried). You could also shorten the incident details a bit and tell how he has changed you .

But i dont find anything other than these that should be fixed.
OP Snowflakes 1 / 8  
Dec 29, 2011   #8
Ok, will do. I guess the story is a bit long :P
Thanks for your comments!


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