Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application.
I choose to make my summers colorful, like a painter who just discovered a spectrum of vibrant hues or a child's excited first touch of markers.
Crimson is the blood from his scraped knee. I picked up my teary Vacation Bible School buddy and rocked him back to tranquility, wanting to be his guidance, companion, and sole protector, if only for five days. It has become routine, though never dull, for me to volunteer as a Crew Leader at my church and surround myself with children every June. For 8 hours a day for 5 days, my every action is dictated by their safety and happiness, my patience is worn, and I'm on the brink of a break down. However, it is always my most love-filled and rewarding summer experience.
Ochre is my table that became home to a treasured pile of portable adventures. With newfound free time, I experienced love in 19th century England; I witnessed the damage caused by the Taliban; I lived in an oppressive dystopia. Books took me to places I couldn't go and showed me experiences I wouldn't otherwise encounter.
Yellow is the scorching sun that relentlessly followed me as visited my homeland for the first time since I arrived in America. I ate solidified duck blood, hugged my grandparents for the first time in nine years, climbed the Great Wall, reconnected with childhood friends, and experienced independence like never before. I went to 5 provinces in 6 weeks, flying nationally and internationally, exchanging currency and bartering for goods, riding on subways and public buses-all by myself.
Green is the theme of the statewide student council conference that I co-chaired. During the entire summer of 2009, all MASC/MAHS conference chairs made the 9:00am weekly drive back to school. For three hours every Wednesday, 20 innovative minds planned recycling-related activities and created 'Go Green!' decorations. Working with various types of leaders, I learned the importance of diversity and collaboration.
Blue are the walls of my newfound world. After taking swim lessons, I drove to the YMCA and swam 50 laps every morning. I had never thought myself to be an athlete, but in the water, I found speed, strength and endurance. Submerged under water, I escaped to my own world, one of peace, solitude, and infinite possibilities.
I have colored my life. Every shade creates a little more of who I am and who I want to become. I will not cease to continue my search and attainment of beautiful hues until my canvas is complete and my curiosities satisfied.
This is a great essay. The idea of explaining the colors is kind of original. I liked it very much. Best of luck with your application:)
thank you (:
anyone see any grammar or diction errors? is the ending to the first color okay? and is the end okay? it's very abstract.
I think this is a very unique take on your summers, and it's a great idea and very well written. I think the best part of it is not just the originality but your tone, since it is personal, and i feel as if i know your personality better, yet is still directed towards an adcom.
I think this a very unique essay. I love the way it was written, and it flows really well. I did not notice any grammatical/diction errors and felt it ended somewhat abruptly, but nicely nonetheless.
"Crimson is the blood from his scraped knee. " Who's knee? I thought it was a great way to turn a short essay into something very illustrative using the colors. The different colors really paint you well, and the conclusion, maybe you can show how those colors blended and became the rainbow that is your life.
"surround myself with kids every June."
So this might just be me, but I feel like the word "children" would fit better with the overall tone of the essay, rather than "kid". But again, that's just me.
"damage created by the Taliban"
Can you create damage? Just wondering. Perhaps wrought would be a better word than created?
"Working various types of leaders"
Working with?
"I incorporated 50 laps into every morning"
That sentence sounds kind of awkward to me...
Is "acquirement" a word? Sounds kind of weird to me. :/
Other than those small errors, this is a great essay! Very creative, and very illustrative. I almost feel like I know you when reading this essay - that shows how well written it really is. Well done! :) And good luck!
thank you guys for all the compliments and suggestions, especially aditi!
and bob, that's reallyyy odd. i have never seen that before.
