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Princeton Supplement - Quote that changed your values or approach to the world


opipcardenas 1 / 2  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
Please help edit my essay. Please be honest, I'll take any criticism and in exchange will read you essay. THANKS!

PROMPT: Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay.

"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it." -Morrie Schwartz

I finally got the chance to read Tuesdays with Morrie on my senior year of high school, and when I finished reading it, I was completely captivated by Morrie Schwartz's call to reject society's restrictive culture which dictates how men and women should act, puts money and success above love and family, and overlooks the importance of the wise elderly. Until his last breath, Morrie believed that the culture never worked. He refused to give in to the popular culture, thinking that there must be a better culture to follow; in his mind, a culture that allows people to openly express emotion, to start living their own dreams, and to accept the old for their wisdom is ideal.

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ZhoeK 5 / 173  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
Felipe

"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it." -Morrie Schwartz

I finally got the chance to read Tuesdays with Morrie onin my senior year of high school, and when I finished reading it, I was completely captivated by Morrie Schwartz's call to reject society's restrictive culture which dictates how men and women should act, puts money and success above love and family, and overlooks the importance of the wise elderly. Until his last breath, Morrie believed that the culture never worked. He refused to give in to the popular culture, thinking that there must be a better culture to follow ; (reword -awkward) in his mind, a culture that allows people to openly express emotion, to start living their own dreams, and to accept the old for their wisdom is ideal. (this sentence is quite wordy and should be summarized)

I have heard of so many people who preach about(reword) individualism and independence but Morrie is the first person that captivated (another word, since you used this above maybe intrigued) me. He was sincere and honest; and thus, he was easily believable. His actions mirrored his teachings. In numerous occassions, Mitch Albom, the author of the book, narrates instances when Morrie shamelessly cried during their meetings. In today's society, crying is a sign of weakness and sometimes femininity. Morrie, however, does not care about the norms. He is comfortable enough with his identity that he is not embarrassed about crying. In fact, he thinks that a person who embraces their emotions is a fearless person. Men who act out of the norm may get stares and jeers from people, but to face those taunts takes a real man.

I, like Morrie, used tears to show emotion. However, in a country like the Philippines, crying is often seen as a sign of weakness, which provided moments of conflict with some of my friends. There was a time when I tried to defend a friend of mine from someone who was making fun of himwho was being made fun of. Sitting with a blanched face, my friend was terrorized by a bully with degrading verbal attacks. After speaking my mind and trying to stop him, the bully targeted his attacks to me, telling me how I should stop meddling, coupled with some invectives. Despite the lack of magnitude of his words, tears welled up in my eyes. Nevertheless, I proceeded to tell him off, with my mouth spewing out fiery words that was caused by my anger. I was not crying because of his hurtful comments. My anger was more about how one of my friends was not accepting of my own personality. (I am confused here though, you say you were not crying because of the hurtful comments, but then pin your anger on how your friend did not accept your personality - but nowhere before do I see mention of your friend not accepting your personality)

Reflecting on the aftermath of that verbal spat, I was concerned onwith how my friends would viewperceive my actions. I was scared that everybodythey would look down on me. After much consideration, I just said, "Who cares?" I generalized (not sure if this fits contextually) that my tears did not mean that I am weak and pathetic; it meant that I am strong enough to express my emotions. (nice) I would not let anybody coerce me into compromising my personality. Being expressive is part of who I am and I would not let anyone take that away from me. Like Morrie, I shouldwould not care about what other people say about my actions. His philosophy reinforced my belief, and it led me to apply this idea to my daily life. It taught me to be strong enough to express myself, and also to be respectful of other people's choices and not be critical of other people's actions.

I think you started out with a very strong quote and I was immediately hooked. Attention grabber down! The conclusion was also strong. I have no other comments, it was well-written and my interest did not fade throughout reading the essay. Very good essay.

Hope this helps. I would love it if you took a look at my common app. Luxury VS. Struggle essay. Thanks!
SeniorMel 7 / 45  
Dec 30, 2011   #3
At first, it sounds like a book report. You take a while to talk about how the book changed your approach to the world. Also, some sentences were repeated.


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