Hello guys, this is the first time I've posted. This is my Princeton "short answer". Please help me revise it, and I will help you back.
Thank you very much.
Prompt: How did you spend your last summer? (2500 characters)
In the 2011 summer, I participated in a lot of social activities such as joining volunteer trips to the asylums in the city. Talking with disabled children, hearing them play musical instruments and visiting their libraries, I was amazed at the sophistication of their life. Those trips reinforced my belief that invaluable potentials and the right to develop those potentials were equally bestowed upon us regardless of our backgrounds, so I was more committed to my voluntary work of making Braille books as I felt it was my responsibility to the society rather than an optional activity.
Besides, that summer would have been less meaningful without the research into ancient poetry I carried out to participate in the school's competition. Scouring the school's library for materials and filling my notebook with beautiful verses, new ideas and correction of misconceptions, I felt the joy of learning overwhelm my heart. I continued my research into the school year and sometimes heavy schoolwork disheartened me to carry it on, but the pleasure I had enjoyed when researching encouraged me not to give up. After turning my paper in, I smiled happily as I realized the moment I could pursue my interest was the moment I lived my life to the fullest.
Last summer, although I still did social activities, I spent most of my time reading anything from poetry to philosophy. I have followed The New York Times' blog The Opinionator since then. The Opinionator has become my guide into the American soul - the soul that could be hardened in the Civil War, could be wily in political affairs, but could be very generous in tackling social issues and very fragile in panic attacks. The American soul has contradictions, so does mine: sometimes instead of studying for the sake of studying, I just tried to keep a decent transcript, sometimes I didn't know if I should donate my tutor salary to the Sunflower Group or spend it on a new dress, and sometimes I wanted to go to Vietnamese college so that I could stay with my family. But as the American soul never hesitates to write about its problems, I never surrender to my weakness. As the American always try to balance between maintaining economic development and solving social issues, I try to balance between following my passions and completing my duties. The Opinionator has brought the American soul close to me and made me more eager to come exploring the United States to learn to overcome my weakness and thrive.
"I felt the joy of learning overwhelm my heart"
^ a little cheesy. Try rephrasing this differently or saying it in a way so that the reader feels what you feel without you saying it. That's incredibly hard to you, but then again, so are writing good essays.
"correction of misconceptions"
^ a little vague. anything revelations of significant interesting?
I liked your take on the Opinionator! Interesting~
"The American soul has contradictions"
^ How so? What are some of these contradictions?
always trys to.. (second to last line, last paragraph)
Otherwise, this is an extremely well written essay! Good job and good luck!
If you get the chance, could you please read, comment, and critique my engineering essay? I would really appreciate it. Thanks!
