Essay for Princeton University, Engineering college

Hey all, this essay is for Princeton, as you could see. I wanted to post the prompt and ask if anyone could look it over and give me suggestions. Thank you for the advice, if you provide it!

Prompt: If you are interested in pursuing a B.S.E. (Bachelor of Science in Engineering) degree, please write a 300-500 word essay describing why you are interested in studying engineering, any experiences in or exposure to engineering you have had, and how you think the programs in engineering offered at Princeton suit your particular interests. (500)

why engineering essay

My adulation for Computer Science and Engineering stems from the fact that it is inherently human in nature.
I was introduced to Computer Science my sophomore year of high school, during the time I was still unsteady in my pursuit for knowledge. Starting with the foundations of digital information, I learned about everything from evaluating the technical challenges that arise from the way information is represented in computers as opposed to people to how to incorporate my knowledge of algorithms, strings, and variables into an interactive application- something cohesive, able to affect those who became acquainted with it.

There wasn't any logic to it, really. It just seemed to click. It animated my insatiable desire to learn more.
Rather than depending solely on my instructor, I began studying varied coding languages: Python, JavaScript, Java, Ruby, and I plan on consuming even more.
It was this that finally gave my hidden aspirations a final nudge, and I found that the development of video games, which I've always considered a crucial aspect in the development of my personality, was what I aspired to do. Video games were the amalgamation of everything I'd learned into one fluid creation. Without programming, video games would never come to life. In the same way, they would be impossible to program without a creator's yearning to share their story with the world.

There is nothing I want to do more than tell my story, and it was this realization that ultimately directed me toward engineering.
In this way, Computer Science and engineering as a whole, alike Princeton, parallels the perceptive nature humans have procured, acting as a product of human ingenuity and exhibiting all the aspects that make us so.

I appreciate the notion of innovation, of cultivating curiosity and reflecting the fruits of my labor back into the world. Princeton emulates this idea, particularly in the field of engineering, where every problem solved contributes to the overarching question of how much importance technological advances holds in augmenting our world. Though my passions are not catered toward such a large audience, it stands that my ambitions to create a game with which I will be able to influence those that play it functions in stride with this theme. As such, the flexible programs, which encompass what a student desires to achieve while also endowing them with the ability to realize their current and future passions, present at Princeton will serve as guides in achieving what I fervently desire to accomplish.

I do not seek to create solely for the achievement of having made something playable, I want to be able to truly find what makes people tick, empower them to understand difficult concepts and emotions, push them to persevere even when there is little to gain from it. I find that Princeton will empower me as well, encouraging me to build upon my current foundations and branch out elsewhere. I was born from this desire, and want to urge along the development of a new, astonishing world.

... in my pursuit of knowledge.

Gabriella, the prompt is asking you to represent how the programs at Princeton will help you achieve your goals. You forgot to do that in this essay. You focused too much on describing your passion, how it developed, and where you want to take it. While I applaud this heartfelt presentation, the fact that you forgot to show a familiarity with the Princeton curriculum for your course, the training and internship programs that might help you realize your ultimate dream, and how you plan to utilize these offerings from the university in pursuing your passion. Don't just be imply it, be specific in areas where you can be specific. The same goes for your non-academic training in the field. Tell the reviewer how you have practiced the lessons you have learned so far so that he will know the extent of your exposure and / or experience in engineering. It would help if you can relate these in terms of a successful undertaking. One that won you recognition or honors would suit that response well. If you have experience that is similar to that, then please share it with the reviewer. Needless to say, you will need to revise the content of your essay. Lessen the focus on your passion a bit so that you can have freed up word count to address the area you neglected to respond to and expand upon your early experiences in the field.

Thank you for the feedback!
Should I delete what I have toward the beginning or summarize it in one sentence? I am struggling to figure out whether or not I should include some form of exposition.

Nice essay. I chose computer engineering too, so good luck.

Your paragraph structure is a bit weird for paragraphs 2 and 3. Just make the first sentence part of the paragraph.

In my opinion, don't delete the first paragraph. Just summarise it and save some space to add the content Holt recommended adding. Collaborate more on what you learned from your experiences, for example from the programming languages you learned: the logic behind them, the importance of efficiency, and how all these languages have different structures, but the same goal: to solve a problem. This is important for engineering as it is all about solving problems.

Good luck with your application!

"There was not any logic to it, really."
Try not to use contractions.

It is a great essay!