"Hi, I am an international student who is not proficient in academic writing, so writing personal statements and motivation letters are a burden to me on my studying abroad journey :<
I would like to thank you @Holt for your straight to the point feedbacks! This version is tailored base on those feedbacks
I would like opinion on:
- Right now, I want to break my essay into three main part: My strength vs the program and uni strength; Why CUHK and its EE program stand out; future prospects. Is this structure clear throughout the essay?
- Is the essay hard to read? Does it contain too much awkward wording and paraphrasing?
- Should I reduce the use of academic phrases?
Once again, thank you anyone provided feedbacks!"
topic: You have to submit one personal statement with no more than 4000 characters via the online application system, telling us why you choose the programme(s) in your application.
Growing up, I was a very determined person who knew what he wanted and understood what he needed. As AI reshapes engineering, I see the Electronic Engineering programme at The Chinese University of Hong Kong (CUHK) as the key step toward the frontier of innovation. I am thrilled about the program's versatility and adaptability to different technologies, alongside the non-formal learning opportunities that the unique collegiate system at CUHK offers.
My intellectual autonomy started with my decision to drop out of the school's Physics Olympiad training program to self-teach electronics and programming. With a solid foundation in Physics and Mathematics built through my time in the program, I sought to underlie electronics with fundamental principles. The field's depth soon exposed the limits of my self-learning, though; I can not excel further than abstract libraries and completed development kits. But rather than discouraging me, these gaps strengthened my desire for a rigorous academic foundation. This combination of independence and ambition makes CUHK's customizable Electronic Engineering curriculum particularly appealing, allowing me to build a strong foundation while discovering where my interests lie within the field.
My yearn for first-principle knowledge led me to my capacitive soil-moisture sensor research. Using mathematical modelling and scrutinizing precedented research, I explored the relationship between soil volumetric water content and frequency domain reflectometry. However, considering environmental factors and the complexity of natural soil systems made me recognize the assumptions and idealizations underlying these models. Interdisciplinary at its core, CUHK's academic environment and research opportunities therefore align closely with my desire to make theoretical results more robust through multiple specialty perspectives.
Leading the instrument department of a music club taught me practical judgement. Balancing musical quality and available manpower made me come to a realization that effective solutions rarely optimize a single variable; they require identifying which trade-offs matter most and making decisions accordingly. To me, this practitioner mindset is essential for engineering in real-world constraints, and the program's industry experience opportunities would allow me to strengthen it beyond extracurricular projects.
CUHK's Electronic Engineering programme excites me for the unique research and development (R&D) experience available to undergraduates. Its versatile curriculum allows students to use their major electives on research-oriented courses or pursue the ELITE Stream - If one satisfies the requirements and is eager to challenge themself. Additionally, I am also interested in using free electives to explore AI alongside advanced electronics. To tackle the near-future AI revolution across multiple engineering disciplines, I want to be part of the AI surge, advancing electronic engineering by integrating AI into my profession in world-class institutes like the CUHK Interdisciplinary Artificial Intelligence Research Institute. Together, these opportunities would prepare me for future R&D work and graduate study on exploring the potential of AI and hardware.
Beyond engineering, CUHK's collegiate system would complete me in a different way. My intellectual autonomy has taught me to form my own questions; living and learning closely among students from different disciplines and cultures would teach me to test those questions against perspectives different from my own.
I see myself in the future as a R&D engineer working at the intersection of AI and electronics. I aim to make full use of Hong Kong's innovative environment and its connection to China's rapidly developing electronics industry, particularly Shenzhen, before pursuing graduate research in this field.
CUHK will be my perfect launchpad into this future, and I am extremely excited with the endless possibilities ahead of me.
I would like to thank you @Holt for your straight to the point feedbacks! This version is tailored base on those feedbacks
I would like opinion on:
- Right now, I want to break my essay into three main part: My strength vs the program and uni strength; Why CUHK and its EE program stand out; future prospects. Is this structure clear throughout the essay?
- Is the essay hard to read? Does it contain too much awkward wording and paraphrasing?
- Should I reduce the use of academic phrases?
Once again, thank you anyone provided feedbacks!"
topic: You have to submit one personal statement with no more than 4000 characters via the online application system, telling us why you choose the programme(s) in your application.
Growing up, I was a very determined person who knew what he wanted and understood what he needed. As AI reshapes engineering, I see the Electronic Engineering programme at The Chinese University of Hong Kong (CUHK) as the key step toward the frontier of innovation. I am thrilled about the program's versatility and adaptability to different technologies, alongside the non-formal learning opportunities that the unique collegiate system at CUHK offers.
My intellectual autonomy started with my decision to drop out of the school's Physics Olympiad training program to self-teach electronics and programming. With a solid foundation in Physics and Mathematics built through my time in the program, I sought to underlie electronics with fundamental principles. The field's depth soon exposed the limits of my self-learning, though; I can not excel further than abstract libraries and completed development kits. But rather than discouraging me, these gaps strengthened my desire for a rigorous academic foundation. This combination of independence and ambition makes CUHK's customizable Electronic Engineering curriculum particularly appealing, allowing me to build a strong foundation while discovering where my interests lie within the field.
My yearn for first-principle knowledge led me to my capacitive soil-moisture sensor research. Using mathematical modelling and scrutinizing precedented research, I explored the relationship between soil volumetric water content and frequency domain reflectometry. However, considering environmental factors and the complexity of natural soil systems made me recognize the assumptions and idealizations underlying these models. Interdisciplinary at its core, CUHK's academic environment and research opportunities therefore align closely with my desire to make theoretical results more robust through multiple specialty perspectives.
Leading the instrument department of a music club taught me practical judgement. Balancing musical quality and available manpower made me come to a realization that effective solutions rarely optimize a single variable; they require identifying which trade-offs matter most and making decisions accordingly. To me, this practitioner mindset is essential for engineering in real-world constraints, and the program's industry experience opportunities would allow me to strengthen it beyond extracurricular projects.
CUHK's Electronic Engineering programme excites me for the unique research and development (R&D) experience available to undergraduates. Its versatile curriculum allows students to use their major electives on research-oriented courses or pursue the ELITE Stream - If one satisfies the requirements and is eager to challenge themself. Additionally, I am also interested in using free electives to explore AI alongside advanced electronics. To tackle the near-future AI revolution across multiple engineering disciplines, I want to be part of the AI surge, advancing electronic engineering by integrating AI into my profession in world-class institutes like the CUHK Interdisciplinary Artificial Intelligence Research Institute. Together, these opportunities would prepare me for future R&D work and graduate study on exploring the potential of AI and hardware.
Beyond engineering, CUHK's collegiate system would complete me in a different way. My intellectual autonomy has taught me to form my own questions; living and learning closely among students from different disciplines and cultures would teach me to test those questions against perspectives different from my own.
I see myself in the future as a R&D engineer working at the intersection of AI and electronics. I aim to make full use of Hong Kong's innovative environment and its connection to China's rapidly developing electronics industry, particularly Shenzhen, before pursuing graduate research in this field.
CUHK will be my perfect launchpad into this future, and I am extremely excited with the endless possibilities ahead of me.
